The Person Needing Help

october 2nd 2019

I started marching band last year and I'm on my second season. It made me realize just how diffrent I am from everyone else yet, at the same time, how basic I am. I have bad joint problems already I high school. I cant go out with my friends like I want to because instead I'm at home icing my joints trying not to cry. I have to deal with the awful looks from others as I, a teen who could pass as a 5th grader, walks down the street with a cane from time to time.

I have to deal with the fact that I'm gonna pass out after a show, and the embarrassment of crying in front of the people I see as family.

I hate the fact that all my friends say that they can easily tell when someone has some issues that they are dealing with mentally, yet I'm over here, trying not ich off my skin from stress and home work.

I have this uncanny ability to tell if a person has attempted suicide before within knowing them for an hour. I have three friends like this. I love my friends, majority having depression, very high anxiety, or are self- harmers, but I dont see how they haven't caught on to my jokes or my hints yet. How they try to bring suicide and self harm awareness yet they haven't picked up on the fact that I have majority of the risk factors for it.

I dont self harm and I dont want to commit suicide but I would be liying if I said I wasnt close to doing at one point or another.

Have you ever noticed how if you are the one to ask another if they are ok, then they assume your ok? I find that ironic because the reason I pick on you not feeling good is because I dont ethier.

~thepersonneedinghelp