In honour of the life before

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wavering
angel, beautiful,
resilient, powerful,
the words from their mouths spill easily
yet no one understands, acknowledges
this is beyond strength 
i am existing until i break again

you locked me in the bathroom
'stop'
weakly leaves my lips
his face is so close
he does not apologise
he laughs,
desire fills his eyes
'stop'
icy hands catching on my thighs
intimacy
is surprisingly painful
intimacy has cornered me,
is about to sever my heart
'stop'
his mind snaps,
I'm glaring through tears
sobs choking, burning my throat
i want to disappear
but he refuses
I'm fucking stuck here

broken
specific sounds ring in my skull
tight chest, red flags, ghost hands
Replaying memories until I sound like a broken record player

lovers soft words are twisted into his voice
tears, pleading, bargaining with pain
'is that him? Is this real?' questioning my own mind 

fear strikes pain deeper in my chest than any knife ever could
paranoia is breaking me

i felt so sick
Tongue tied and tired
the doctors ask desperately,
eyes scanning for expressions,
hunting for answers,
what happened? how do you feel?

trying to remember the days where i didn't cry
when pure rage didn't consume my heart and mind
toxic and infecting my blood,
filling me with poison

trying to stop the intrusive thoughts
when sadness dug a deep deep hole in my chest
manic and losing control,
no longer a person

poison is making me nauseous
talking to 3 doctors within 2 days
saving the sick girl from herself
muttering symptoms
am i sick? can this be fixed?

please listen to my story
i create so i can hope
words, lines, feelings
expressing my hell is the only way I can cope
it stops the over thinking
shaking
crying
breaking
therapy gets you far but what happens when the ideas just suddenly stop
when i can't draw the nightmares
so they infest my mind
when words fail feelings
so the pain comes back again
I'm getting desperate
somebody
please listen

memories
Forgetting him
but
not what happened

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⏰ Last updated: Oct 03, 2019 ⏰

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