The Dangers of Escape

CHAPTER 1

WARNING: This entire book will be filled with triggers. From drug use, to self harm, to suicide. The events in this book mimic real life. Read at your own risk. Without further ado, I give you "The Dangers of Escape"
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Jonathan-
I slowly sit up attempting to shake the sleep from my mind. The first thing I feel is the cold. I find myself shivering uncontrollably. I look around and see stone walls covered in graffiti. The light snow falls into the alleyway. It all starts to come back to me and a tear falls from my bloodshot eye. I blacked out again.
"Delirious?" I scoot up against the freezing wall trying to make myself smaller. "Delirious!" The voice yells out again. The tears stream violently down my face now. I know who that voice belongs to. I wait until the footsteps find me and look up.
"Hi Cartoonz." My voice is scratchy and barely audible because of my dry throat.
"Jesus Christ Jonathan! Come on. Let's get you home." Luke leans down to help me up, but I back away from him as quick as I can.
"No. No please! I can't go back there! Please don't make me go back there!" My crying becomes hysterical. He throws his hands up to show he doesn't mean any harm.
"Ok. Ok. You don't have to go home. You can stay with me for the night. Just please, calm down." Luke holds out his hand to help me up. I take it graciously. We make our way to his car and I step into the passenger side.
"Thanks." I say as we make our way back to Cartoonz's apartment. He only looks at me and keeps driving.

When we get to our destination, he leads me to his room and helps me sit down on his bed.
"Delirious, what happened?" He asks me after taking a step back to look at me. For the first time since he found me, I look him in the eye. Concern immediately finds its way onto his face once he sees the fresh cut on my face. "What happened?" He repeats.

"My dad... he got drunk again..." I know I don't have to say anything else. Luke knows how violent my dad gets when he's drunk. He's witnessed it firsthand. It's where he got the huge scar on his eye.
"Jonathan, you gotta get out of there." I sigh as I wipe the blood out of my eyes.
"I have no where to go." I respond solemnly.

He seems to be contemplating something for a moment before he looks at his phone.
"What about one of the guys' places? You could come live with Ohm and I." I shake my head.
Cartoonz is moving to Los Angeles in a week. It seems our entire group is moving out that way except for Vanoss and I. "I'm gonna go make a call. I'll be right back." He leaves the room.
Fuck. I hate my fucking life. I hate it so fucking much. I grab my backpack and get a joint out of the side pocket and light up. Cartoonz comes back in and sees me smoking pot.
"Yeah and uh... pick up a drug test from Walgreens on your way. Huh? Oh ummm... all of them." He hangs up and comes over to me. I hand him the joint. He puts it out on the brick fireplace.
"What the fuck man? If you didn't want any you could've just said." I reach for it, but he doesn't give it to me.
"I think you've had enough. Evan is on his way." No. Evan can't see me like this.
"It's just pot bro. We're in Colorado. It's legal." I attempt to get him to give me back my joint but he refuses.
"Go take a shower Delirious." Luke demands with a tired voice. I grab my back pack and walk to the bathroom without another word. I look in the mirror. The huge gash on my head is beginning to hurt again. I should've gone to the doctor.

Disgusting, worthless child. You were a mistake when you were born and that's all you'll ever fucking be capable of.

My dad's voice echoes in my head. I close my eyes and clench my jaw. Go away. Just leave me alone. I snap out of it and turn on the shower. I glance at my bag again. I have some left. I have to. I search through my bag until I find it. Yeah I have some left. I grab the warped spoon and my lighter out as well.

Come on Johnny. Time to escape for a bit.
I pull my belt off and tie it around my upper arm. I need the voices to go away. I need the escape. I prepare it just like I've done many of times before. Then I push on the plunger. Immediate relief courses through me. I manage to get everything back in the bag and crawl into the bathtub before slipping into darkness.