The Dangers of Escape

Chapter 2

Jonathan-
I sprint to the bathroom holding in the puke as long as I can. Fuck. I didn't make it. Over the sounds of what little I ate today making its reappearance, I hear footsteps down the hall.
"Oh fuck man! Are you okay?" 
Once I'm finished regurgitating, I look up at Evan.
"I told you this wasn't going to be pretty." I manage to say before I violently heave over the toilet.
"Oh... you're coming down." He says to himself as he puts a hand on my back in an attempt to comfort me. "It's alright. Let it out."
I stop throwing up and sit back against the wall. Evan hands me a wash cloth and I wipe my mouth.
"Thanks."
"It's no problem." I watch as Evan cleans up the vomit off the floor.
"Evan?" He looks at me with his eyebrows raised. "Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?" He seems to ponder this for a moment before answering.
"Jonathan, you're one of my closest friends. No, you're more like a brother. Of course I'm gonna help you."

I feel a pang in my chest for some reason. I don't know if it's because I feel like I'm dying, or if it's because he sees me as a brother. No one sees me as a good friend. No one really cares.
"Jonathan?" His voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"No matter what, I'm always here for you." I nod even though I don't understand why.

((Time skip- 1 week later))

Evan-
Jonathan is finally over the withdrawals. It's been a week of hell for him. I can tell he thinks he's a bother. I don't think  he is, but he won't believe me...even though I tell him he's not at least once a day. He's been sleeping in my room with me lately. I figured it'd be better this way. I can watch him and make sure he's safe throughout the night. There's been times when I've waken up wrapped in his arms a couple times. Other times he'd be having a nightmare and I'll hold him tight.

"Jonathan are you ready to go shopping?" I call out to him. He runs down the stairs and grabs his wallet.
"Yeah I'm ready."

Together we go out to the local Walmart. This is the first time I've been able to get him to go out without his mask on.
As I drive, I notice his hand is shaking.
"Are you having cravings?"
"Yeah, but I'll be fine." I pull into a parking spot and we enter the large building.
"Anything you specifically want?" I ask Jonathan as I grab a cart.
"They say chocolate helps with cravings." I laugh.
"What are you? A girl on her period?" Delirious laughs heartily. I think that's the first time I've heard him laugh all week.
"Yeah Vanoss. I'm bleeding out of my dick."

((Time skip))

Jonathan-
He got me so much chocolate. Hot chocolate, Hershey's chocolate, snickers, chocolate ice cream, and chocolate chip cookies. I was kidding about needing chocolate.
Evan smiles at me as he brings me a bowl of ice cream.
"You wanna watch a movie Del?" I shake my head.
"Actually I'm really tired from going out. I think I'm going to go to sleep." He looks a little sad for a moment but let's it go. It's been exhausting faking being happier. I mean, I'm glad that I'm safe. I'm also glad I'm with Evan, but I still fight the thoughts constantly going through my brain. It's never quiet. And without the drugs it's one hundred times worse.
After finishing the ice cream I go upstairs and see myself in the mirror.

You're worthless. You're just a waste of space. Everyone would be better off without you.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up." I grit my teeth as I walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I can't help but look at myself again. I look at the bags under my eyes from sleepless nights. The dead look in my eyes. I take the razor blade out of the drawer and set it on the counter.

Yes. Numb the pain. No one will care.

I take a deep breath and start to undress.

Time to escape Jonny. Escape the pain. Escape the anxiety. Escape ME.