The Dangers of Escape

CHAPTER 4

Jonathan-
"Delirious, for real man, how are you doing?" Evan asks me as I take another hit off the bong.
"I'm fucking fantastic. Why?" I cough after taking too hard of a hit.
Evan sits down next to me and gets real close.
"You talk to yourself a lot man." My mind is foggy.
"Yeah that's because I've got an extra voice in my head and he's a fucking bitch." Evan laughs. "What's so funny?"
"You're name is delirious and you have voices in yer head. You're seriously delirious." I giggle a bit.
"Yeah I am."
"Is that why you cut yourself?" Evan asks before lighting his blunt.
"Something like that. It helps keep my mind focused."
"I thought the coke did that." Evan mumbles slightly.
"Oh it fucking did." I reply laughing. "Ev, can you believe there's multiple galaxies? Like, think about it. Our world is so fucking big. Then there's like, more worlds out there aside from ours. My hands are shaking really bad. I wish that'd fucking go away."
"Me too baby. Me too." Evan says with the blunt in his mouth.
"You just called me baby!"
"Did I?"
"Yes!" We are both start laughing ridiculously.
This is what I needed. "You know Ev, I gotta be honest with you. I hurt all the time. I'm so fucking depressed. I hide it because I don't want anyone to worry. Ya know?" He nods.
"Yeah I know Del." He leans over and holds me in his arms. If I wasn't so numb from the weed I would've been crying.
"I love you Evan. I love you so much."

Evan-
After hearing him say he loves me I pull him closer. The fact of the matter is, I love this man too. In what way, I haven't quite figured out. What he just told me about him always being in pain hurts me. I'm upset that it took him being high to divulge such information. He looks me in the eye and just stares. I stare back into his ocean blue eyes.
He slowly leans closer to me and before I know it our lips are touching. I freeze in shock for a minute before pushing him away.
His eyes show pain and sadness as he gets up and stumbles to the upstairs bathroom. I hear him crying from down here.
What have I done?

Jonathan-
Oh Jonny, how could you be so stupid?

"I don't know! I thought he felt the same!"

Tsk tsk tsk... when will you learn your lesson? Nobody will ever love you.
The pain in my heart grows stronger and stronger as my crying intensifies.

"I didn't mean to fuck up! I swear!"

But you did Jonathan. Nothing can change the fact that he pushed you away. He's disgusted with you.
I grab the blade that I hid in the drawer and slice my arm. I fucked it up. I fucked everything up.
Yes, nobody will save you. Just end the pain.

"I don't want to die..."

Face it Jonny. You do. You want all of this to end. You always have. That's the reason for the drugs isn't it?
I sigh. He's right.
"So what do I do about it?" I say while chancing a look in the mirror.
You'll need a rope...

((Time skip- 3 days later))
Evan-
Jonathan has been very distant lately. He doesn't sleep in my bed with me anymore. I really miss his presence at night. It doesn't feel right when he's away. I feel bad because I was just surprised. I didn't mean to push him away. I grab my phone. I need guidance. I txt Cartoonz.

V: Hey Cartoonz. I need advice.
C: Yeah man what is it?
V: I accidental hurt Delirious' feelings...
C: what did you do?
V: he kissed me and I shoved him away...
C: •••
V: what do I do?
C: you like him like that?
I think for a moment. Do I? I think I do. I mean that kiss was amazing even though it scared me.
V: I think I do.
C: then tell him.
V: are you sure?
V: what if he changed his mind?
C: tell him.
V: alright I will. Thanks Cartoonz ❤️
C: np make my boy happy 👌

I run up to my room where Jonathan is currently. I walk in and he's writing at my desk.
"Hey Delirious what are you writing?" I ask as I come up behind him.
"Nothing! Why do you care?" He snaps while hiding the paper from my view. His anger throws me off.
"I uh... just wanted to talk to you."
"Haven't you done enough?" He growls as he leaves the room. Shit... I must've really hurt him.