oh! Walliams!!!

X - why her?

Simon's pov:

I jolt awake with sweat covering all over my body. I looked at the watch reading 3 in the morning. Lifting away the cover, I sat on the edge of the bed. Staring at nothing, I waited for the sun to rise.

Every time I close my eyes, it hurts. His face; smiling so fondly, eyes glimmers with joy, slowly disappear because of me. Recalling the last time I saw him, I knew I’m gonna regret the moment I walked pass him till my last heart beat. Picturing his smile slowly swipe away, my body started shaking.

Getting up I reminded myself it’s all for the sake of him, to protect him from the socials. I bet he’ll never understand. Leaving him without saying a word was the best way I could find. I knew he’ll hate me, but when he’s much older than right now, he’ll slowly understand. I would understand if he’ll never forgive, I don’t deserve his forgiveness. I hurt his fragile heart, he’ll hate me forever.

Are you baby boy, do you hate me? How much…so much, wider than your arm length? I can understand that. Or, are you crying little man, hoping that I’ll run to you again? Please don’t wait for me, I wouldn’t be there anymore. I’m not the one for those. I’ll not be there to wipe away your tears. So, come on young man, wipe away for yourself. Walk up head held high and move on. I prayed for that only.

It’s amazing how I could still smile thinking of him while tears welling up my eyes. I miss him. I wouldn’t lie. But I had to get over these feelings, for him. I walked to my office room, prepared to start working early instead of absorbing to our little romance that I have to keep aside for now in my heart.

I worked, day and night. For the company to make a profit and for me to get busy other than dreaming my personal complicated love. Despite of having less time for bed, I’m alert than ever. The moment I dosed off, my dreams start hurting me. It only remind me of how guilty I am.

“Simon….Simon wake up” I heard a voice whispering near my ears. I felt someone gently shook me on my shoulder “wakey wakey….come on Simon”

When I opened my eyes, I saw Amanda smiling warmly at me. The thing i need the most right now “what is it Mandy” I asked her in a hoarse voice

“you fell asleep while we work on this” she pointed the pile of paper lying on the centre table, some on the floor “thought not to disturb you, but I guess you’re having nightmare. In the afternoon nap?”

I remember him crying onto my chest “not a nightmare, don’t worry darling”

She looked at me for a good amount of time, trying to read me “is it about that boy? you don’t talk that much of him these days”

“because there’s nothing to talk about now. Forget it, show me the last data we get” I said enthusiastically to change our subject

“why?”

“mandy…..”

“tell me, sharing helps”

“he’s just a kid”

“you didn’t care that earlier, why now? Anyway he’s not that young, he’ll turn 18 soon”

“its-….it’s complicated okay? I can’t-“ i raise my voice out of nothing. Anger filled me. The reason I should leave him, hurt more than leaving him.

Amanda came closer to give me a hug “hey its okay, it’ll be alright”

“but how Mandy?”