I Can't Eat Love

Side Part 5 - Queen Amerande

In a previous life...

If I could have one wish in this life... No matter the cost, I would only use it for her happiness

"This is for you, dear. This necklace protects our family, brings good luck!" My mother smiled as she placed the golden chains around my neck. "My own mother told me that it can even grant wishes! So keep it with you in Reterand."

I played with the small sapphire amulet, my mood which had been down becoming slightly better. "But mother, I don't know the crown prince very well, what if he isn't a good man?"

I hadn't been happy since my engagement had been announced. Reterand was a good kingdom, the western neighbor to my country Giral. Even though I was a princess, and I had always known that my marriage would be political in nature ... I couldn't pretend I was excited to marry the man I had only met once before. I had even heard he had been previously engaged, and had broken off the relationship for this alliance. What kind of marriage could this be?

My mother shrugged sadly. "It's hard to say, dear. I hope your marriage will be happy." She seemed to be looking past me, "Find joy in other things, so that your happiness is not dependent on him. "

"..." I hugged my mother silently, wondering not for the first time if she and my father were happy.

__________________________________

I was married into the Reterand royalty, and less than a year later his father had stepped down. I was the Queen of a foreign nation.

And I was very lonely.

My husband was a cold, calculating man. He was polite, never raising his voice to me, but there was a distance between us that couldn't be crossed. It was painful, it was regretful, but I had always known this was a possibility. I tried to find happiness within other things as my mother had suggested and kept up a cordial façade. Despite the coldness in our marriage, we attended to our duties as monarchs. I quickly gave birth to an heir, a boy we named Ronan after the previous king. I had a husband, a child, a family... it should have been one of the happiest times in my life.

But it was at that time that the King broke all that remained of the good sentiment I had held towards him, by forbidding me from raising our son.

"You're too weak." His voice was chilling, forcing me to step back despite my panic. "You'll drag him down. He will learn from me, and the rest can be taught by the tutors."

"HE'S MY CHILD!" I was screaming, all thought of etiquette and calm long forgotten. "HOW CAN YOU KEEP ME FROM HIM?!"

His face didn't change despite the rage I showed. "He's a future king before that. You may see him once a week for tea, but that is all."

I wish that I had left him then, sometimes. Broken ties and returned home to Giral. But I stayed, refusing to leave my child behind. Hoping the restrictions would be relaxed with time.

I could only stand off to the side and watch my son be raised by others. Fortunately he grew up healthy and happy, although he seemed a little reckless and arrogant sometimes, even for such a small child. I felt guilty. I was too weak to defend my position as a mother. And so life went on. I thought I had buried my heart, given up on those maternal feelings to protect myself.

But then I met that girl.

__________________________________

"This is my daughter, Lenora." Seline, a beautiful but cold woman, pushed a young girl about four or five years old out in front of her. I was wary at their approach. I had long since learned that she had been my husband's former fiancé, and had married the Duke of Armeny instead. I was worried she might be seeking revenge, but as I studied her closely I was surprised. There was intense dislike in her gaze, but no hatred. She even seemed willing to curry favor with me, curtsying deeper than required by her rank.