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January 23, 1996 (Tuesday)
Halle Fuck him.
He's nothing but a sorry, ain't shit nigga. I can't believe I spent all day waiting for him to call or show up. I can't believe I spent two nights in a row crying over him.
I took another swig from my bottle of vodka, the strong liquor slightly burning my throat. I was halfway through the bottle, so I was drunk outta my mind. I sat in our bedroom looking through pictures of David and I during happier times. It was amazing how shit turns out. Neither one of us knew that we would ever get to this point.
Tears ran down my face and dropped onto the current pictures I were looking at— our wedding photos. I remember being so nervous, but as soon I walked down the aisle and saw him, it all went away. I knew that I was marrying the man that I loved, and I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. After that bliss, however, came the trouble. If only I knew then what I knew now, I've probably would've reconsidered everything.
I threw the bottle against the wall, and it instantly shattered. "Fuck!" I screamed. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm starting to think that it's not worth it trying to fix this. I'm so sick of putting in all of the effort in our marriage while he's just running around doing him.
I picked up the pictures and starting ripping them up one by one. "Fuck you!" I said out loud. "I'm sick of you!" I threw the pieces into the lit fireplace.
I walked to the open closet and threw all of his shit into piles. "All of those times where you told you loved me, where you told me that I was the only one for you was nothing more than bullshit!"
I took one pile his clothes and threw them into the bathroom sink. I opened the cabinet beneath the sink and found the bottle of bleach. Taking the cap off, I doused the clothes in bleach.
"Since you wanna destroy this relationship, let's see how you like when I destroy all of your shit!" I laughed angrily.
I took the second pile of clothes and began cutting them up. "You have the audacity to do me like this? All I did was love you, and you couldn't do the same to me? You have the nerve to walk out on me? I stuck by you when no one would even give your sorry ass a chance. I married you even after my friends told me not to. This is how you repay me!?"
"And what about all them different bitches, the ones you told me not to worry about? You told me that they were just jealous, that they wanted what we had? Yet you were on the phone with them, giving them money, and fucking their nasty asses! Them hoes were steadily calling my phone, bragging about it and shit. But I'm the whore?" I chuckled.
I took all of his shoes and threw them in the fireplace. I laughed as I watched them turn into nothing but char. If he ever comes back, I hope he sees this and feels pain because he's very materialistic.
I took his jewelry and threw them over the balcony, watching them drop on the moist grass below. I also threw his baseball trophies over balcony. Hearing them hit the ground was so satisfying to me.
My emotions were definitely at its peak. I've been trying to hold it together for the past couple of days, but I just can't pretend that I'm okay anymore. It's like I'm bottle of soda that's just been shaken up and someone took the cap off. I'm an emotional roller coaster, and I'm hitting the intense down slope. All I can see is red as I'm tearing up our bedroom.
I'm just going crazy. I'm literally destroying everything in sight. From more pictures to clothes to shoes, nothing is escaping my wrath. It feels like my sanity is slipping away from me. I'll laugh, then I'll cry, and then I'll scream. The realization that our marriage is coming to an end is starting to finally hit me, and I don't know how to handle it. I don't think that I can accept it.
I finally stopped tearing up everything, and just slid down to the floor and cried. My heart literally hurts. I feel like I can't breathe. In my mind I wonder if David is taking this as hard as I am, but he's probably not. He's probably laying up with another hoochie, not caring that his wife is in pain. I honestly hope he burns in Hell at this point.
Whatever happens to him at the point, I don't care. If he was to get in a bad accident right now, I wouldn't care. If he finds out that he has an injury that would destroy his baseball career, I wouldn't care. At this point, I wish everything bad would happen to him. I hope that God punishes him for doing this to me.
