True Lies (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 14

HARRY:

     I stood awkwardly behind Louis and watched as he greeted his mom. I felt my stomach drop and my chest ached watching their exchange. My eyes burned but I willed the tears not to fall.

“This is Harry.” Louis said, snapping me out of my thoughts. He gave me a concerned look before it went back to his smile. His smile. You could see all of his teeth and his eyes squinted and the happiness was practically radiating off of him.

     I knew in that second that I had to do anything and everything in my power to keep that smile on his face.

     His mom stepped forward and threw her arms around my neck. I was taken a bit by surprise but hugged back nonetheless. “Thank you.” She whispered. “For taking care of him when I wouldn’t.” I heart stopped and the tears all seemed to gather in my eyes before spilling over onto my cheeks.

     We pulled away and I shook my head slightly at her.

“No, I wanted to. Louis’ my best friend.” I said and he beamed from behind her.

***

     I climbed into bed after Louis late that night. He was flipping through the pages of a book as I crawled towards him, getting under the blankets. His mom was staying in the guest room, or my old room, just down the hall. I sighed heavily and he looked up at me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, closing the book. I shook my head.

“Nothing. Just a long day.” I said. It was. It had been an emotionally draining day. I would be happy the next day when Louis’ mom would be leaving to go back to work. I didn’t have the heart to voice those thoughts though. So I simply passed it off as being tired.

“Let’s get some sleep then.” He said, turning the lamp off and curling up against me. It had become routine. At night, Louis would snuggle up in my side and I would fall asleep with my arms around him. It seemed normal enough to me. I had done that before all the lies. As far as I was concerned, I was allowed to platonically cuddle him, even if he didn’t know it was platonic.

     That night, however, I couldn’t fall asleep. Louis was out like a light in a matter of minutes while I stayed up tossing and turning. I couldn’t sleep for fear of waking up in a pool of my own sweat with tears gathered in my eyes again. So, I climbed out of bed and went to the kitchen. I heated a pot of water on the stove for tea and sat at the table looking through a magazine from last summer that I had neglected to throw away.

     “Harry. Harry, wake up.” I heard a familiar shrill voice whisper hoarsely.

“What Lou?” I asked, wiping my eyes and looking at the clock; which read six thirteen in the morning. “What are you doing up?” I asked.

“I woke up and you weren’t in bed.” He said. “What were doing sleeping on the couch?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” I said. “I couldn’t sleep last night and I was staying up. I guess I fell asleep.” I explained, shrugging my shoulders.

“Do you wanna come back to bed?”

“No. I’ll just start on breakfast.” I said, pulling myself from the couch and padding into the kitchen with Louis in toe.

“Are you sure? You don’t look so good. You look like you haven’t slept in days.” He observed.

“I’m fine.” I said more harshly than I meant to. He winced at my words and backed away just a little from the counter where I stood.

“I wish you would tell me what’s bothering you.” He whispered. I groaned inwardly.

“Louis, it’s not important. If it was I would tell you. But it’s not. It’s nothing.”

“That’s not true. You’re hardly eating, you’re stressed, not sleeping. Something’s wrong. I thought we were in this for the long haul, to be here for each other.”

“We are. It’s just not a big deal. What part of not a big deal don’t you understand?” I almost shouted.

“The part that you won’t tell me.” he cried. “Do you not trust me?” I groaned.

“I trust you. I just don’t want to bring up bad memories.” I said, hugging him tightly around the shoulders. I pulled away after a moment and cracked three eggs in a skillet on the stove.

“Please tell me what’s bothering you. I want to help.” He said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me.

“Please, just drop it. It’s not important.” I insisted.

“That’s not what you said all those times you caught me not eating or cutting myself. You're important to me” He countered.

“This is different. I’m not gonna kill myself!” I said and stepped back, my eyes wide when the sickening realization of what I had just said sank in. Louis’ jaw clenched and his eyes watered at my words.

“That, that’s not what I meant.” I said, stumbling over what to say.

“No, no it’s okay. You’re smarter than that.” He spat.

“No, I just- damn it.” I said, tugging at the few loose curls that hung over my eyes. I looked up. He stood with his arms folded defensively over his chest. I blinked. He looked as if at any minute, he would burst into tears. My heart sank and my stomach churned. I had caused those tears, a voice echoed in my brain. I didn’t think before I smashed my lips against his.

     It seemed as though time froze in the few seconds, or minutes, I’m not sure, that our lips connected. Louis seemed confused, or surprised at first before he relaxed and began to kiss back. At that moment, the kitchen, my fatigue, the burning eggs on the stove seemed to fall away and the only things left in the universe were Louis and me.

     I liked the world better that way.

     I felt goose bumps on my arms and chills running down my spine. My breath hitched and my heart fluttered in my chest. 

     We pulled away a few minutes later and the world seemed to come back into focus. I leaned forward, resting my forehead on his.

“I love you.” I said, and for the first time, I meant like Louis did. I had finally admitted to a feeling that had been building in my chest for weeks. I smiled. For real.