Amy's POV:
It's been six months since my first chemo therapy.SInce that,much,nearly everything has changed.You can say something about health,family and how i feel inside.
My health.Well yeah i did much chemotherapies and also 3 or 4 radiotherapies.The result is that i felt as weak as never before.After it i slept the whole day,vomited and couldn't do anything.Every Chemotherapy other siblings came with me but there was nothing different then the first time.I vomitted,they had to go.So i decided that i don't want it anymore and after argueing many hours my parents allowed me to go alone.It was hard,yes,but there are doctors and a taxi that drives me home and noone would be hurt.On the doctor meetings they always told us the same.Not much has changed but it will come and i had to wait and stay strong,but they said this for 6 months so how could i believe this?I feel that my health isn't better and i even think it's worse.I just will keep doing this because of my family.Even if it doesn't help.I also had to spent very hard nights in the hospital because of fever or once i vomitted the whole night and was so weak that they putted me in the hospital.I don't know how long i could do this anymore..
My family.They are the sweetest thing ever.Yes at the beginning they did everything for me but i thought with the time it would change,but it hasn't.They cheered me up,helped me.Mum always tries her best.She barely slept the last nights because of me and i didn't know what i should do..She brang me my food,read stories because i'm to weak to read the words,she just sat there for hours,she didn't work for the last 6 months,she does everything.She is the best mum!My dad worked much lately because of my chemo,now there aren't just 11 kids,no there are also this very,very expensive therapies and hospital stays and medicaments.Mum and Dad didn't get much time together.My whole family looked after me,noone else was important and i felt like we broke a little bit...Grandma left 2 months after chemo but comes every month for 2 days.My siblings are all just AWESOME!whenever mum or dad can't do it for me they do it.Even the young boys do it.They read for me or just bring me to smile.The older one's cook or drive me to doctors appointments or listen to my problems.After a big discussion my sister started to make Video's again without me.I told them it would make me happy and that it is okay.I'm just not strong enough and i always tell them i will come back if i'm feeling better.We told the fans about everything and i get a lot of sweet fanmail that sometimes made me cry.Lisa..Well what should i say?She does her really best to hide her feelings,but you could see the pain in her eyes.We had a lot of these conversations lately and it always gaves me the feeling that i'm still alive.She told me everything that happend to her and i just layed there.With my family i feel better,they are my everything.
And me.I already told you that i felt like it doesn't gets better but what should i do!I promised god and my family that i will fight and so i do.I won't give up.When i'm alone i cried alot but when there is somebody i am strong,especially in front of my younger sibs.It hurts me to see my family like that.Maybe they(we) will broke and sometimes i think of what will be if i don't make it..WIll they be broke forever?This hurts me,not the fact that i'm deadsick.A year ago i was so positive and now my life is :Everyday the same shit.
