You See What You Want To See

Turned Around?

Trigger warning: This chapter contains self harm and attempted suicide. It is labeled when it begins and ends.

Chase was in his car driving off only he knew where. He lied when he said he was just going out for a smoke. He knew the others had other things on their minds but really? Were they that blind and deaf to a shit excuse when they heard one? Chase didn't even smoke!

'Shows how much they actually care' he thought bitterly.

He didn't know what to think about Anti at the moment. His thoughts were wild when it concerned his 'brother'.

At the very beginning, he hated Anti because they all thought he had tried to kill Sean. He had a weird thing of freaking out and going pyscho, hurting anyone that came in his way. It made him dangerous. After Chase's breakdown, Anti had sent him nightmares, tormented him with the knowledge of what he did. . . kidnapped his children.

Chase gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

Then a year after being locked up in that apartment . . . . . Chase felt sorry for him. He saw the struggle in his eyes like a defeated circus animal. The bitter pain. It was so relatable to him.

Then Jackie had burst in carrying Anti with him in his arms bleeding everywhere unconscious. Chase saw a weak boy near death. He looked so much like his son at that moment, it was frightening. Especially when he woke up and yelled at Dark for leaving him. The shear hurt in his eyes. It killed Chase to see him that way.

But Anti was always so stubborn, fighting any form of trust that came his way. Except for Henrik and Jackie. He trusted them because they saved his life and Chase understood that but why couldn't he just have given HIM a chance!? He knew why. Chase had killed. Anti thought that was unforgivable.

Chase chuckled, stopping at a stop light, 'I'm not the only one'

Then Jackie betrayed him and said something to Sean he promised Anti he wouldn't. Chase remembered walking back in the kitchen when Henrik had drugged him unconscious. He had heard the yelling. Then he saw the blood. Anti's open wounds. Anti had hurt himself just to hurt the others. It was clear Anti didn't care about his own pain or at least that's what he wanted everyone else to think. So stubborn.

And now all of this. Chase just couldn't see past it. But Marvin, Jackie and Dark were right. Anti HAD stopped himself. When it came to anyone else, he wouldn't have. But did that mean he could trust him? Why should he when Anti didn't trust HIM?

The light turned green and Chase drove forward.

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Meanwhile Anti stared at himself in his mirror in the bathroom. He just stared at himself, so angry and disgusted. Why was he even here? Why stay? He could leave now if he wanted. His foot was almost better. But did he really want to?

He regretted turning down Dark's apology. The look in his eyes. Dark really had been sorry for everything. Why did Anti have to be so stubborn and rude? He had said before he saved him that he'd give him a second chance. But after he told them all his secret . . . . it hurt so much.

He was such an asshole. A bastard. A glitchy weirdo. . . . . . a killer.

It didn't matter what Marvin said. It didn't matter to him, really, that the people he killed were on death row anyways. He had NEVER killed anyone before. Then he was just told he killed twenty-one people. Human lives.

'Am I really better than Chase?' he thought, 'How many bad lives add up to innocent good ones? Am I just as guilty? I tortured . . . . made people suffer. I laughed at it all. Yeah. . .I'm worse than Chase'