The Beauty & The Tragedy

We've Come A Long Way From Where We Began

It didn't take long for people to figure out that Johnny and I were together. The backlash was astounding. Fans were angry and lashed out accordingly. Neither one of us addressed it. It didn't matter anyway. I didn't owe anyone an explanation. It was my life and I intended to live it the way Demi would have wanted me to. We weren't exactly flaunting it either. I was still on wobbly legs and like I said before, we weren't super serious.

The band worked hard on the second half of the album and when they finally finished it, there was a huge sense of relief. It was the most amazing therapy for everyone involved. Joe used Demi's guitars to track the lead guitar parts. It gave them a sense of normalcy to hear the familiar tones that her instruments brought to the music. He would end up bringing them with them when they toured and he'd play with a few of them live. It was how he felt connected to her. I didn't mind him using them since I really had no use for them. It was better than putting them in storage.

Throughout the course of their recording sessions without Demi, they allowed the film crew to continue filming and the results were quite interesting. Every breakdown, every success, and every struggle was caught on film. Once the documentary finally released, fans saw the more human side to the people that they idolized so much. It was also their last glimpse into Demi's life before she died.

The finished album was hard for me to listen to. Every time I heard her voice it stabbed at my heart reminding me that I'd never hear it again, at least not in person. This album was the last contribution she'd give to music. The six songs that she helped write would always be some of my favorites. I would always have all of her unreleased demos, but their was something about the finished product that drove a song home for me. She'd never finish any of it. Another cruel reminder that she was gone.

"Hey Sel." Jamie said getting my attention. "What do you want to do with these?" She asked holding up a handful of Demi's flannel shirts.

"I'm gonna keep those." I answered as I folded some t-shirts and placed them into a box.

It had taken me a while, but I was finally going through Demi's clothes. I gave everyone she was close to the chance to take what they wanted before I donated the rest. It wasn't easy for me to do but it needed to be done.

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked slightly alarmed as he stood in the doorway."

"Packing some of Demi's stuff."

"Why?" He asked slowly.

"I'm donating it." I smiled. "It will leave some room in the closet for your stuff." I added nonchalantly.

"I don't want my fucking shit in her closet!" He snapped. "You can't just throw her stuff out like she was never here!"

I was startled by his sudden outburst as were the rest of the people helping me. It took a lot for me to even take this step and to have him challenging me was painful to say the least.

"Stop putting her shit in boxes." He said angrily as he started to remove the clothes that had been packed.

I stood frozen in place. I couldn't move. I had no idea what I was supposed to. Jamie glanced at me before Lauren decided to intervene. The entire situation was bizarre.

"John." Lauren said softly. "Stop."

I watched as she moved over to him and grabbed his hands in hers. He had a death grip on one of her leather jackets.

"This is hers..." His voice broke.

"I know." Lauren spoke gently.

I watched as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I understood exactly how he was feeling. I still had days where everything reminded me of her and I could barely breathe. I knew that at some point after getting rid of some of her stuff, I would regret it. I knew that it would be another obstacle for me to overcome, but I also knew that I had to do it. Each step forward was progress and progress was all I had.