The Beauty & The Tragedy

I'll Tell You All About It When I See You Again

I walked into the studio to find Johnny with Demi. She was sitting in his lap as he wrote down some lyrics in a notebook. She was five years old now and I was convinced she carried around the spirit of her namesake. She was rebellious and loved music and guitars. Johnny was the one who insisted we name her Demi. It took me a minute to wrap my brain around it, in the end it was the perfect name.

The minute she was born, I fell in love. She became the most important part of my world instantly. I put all my energy into raising her the right way. She was independent and curious about everything. Johnny fostered those qualities beautifully. She spent so much time with the band, it was almost like she was a member. Lauren was one of her favorites and Jamie spoiled her terribly.

"Hi mommy." She said when noticed me standing in the doorway.

"Hey baby." I smiled. "How's the writing going?" I asked Johnny as he finished whatever he was working on.

"I'm pretty sure we just wrote a song about a zombie unicorn." He chuckled.

"I take it she helped?" I grinned.

He laughed. "Yeah. We'll call it that."

"Hey daddy!" Demi's voice cut in. "Look!" She exclaimed, clearly excited. "It's my name."

We both turned our attention to her and when it dawned on me what she was talking about, an old familiar feeling settled in my chest. She had for the first time noticed Demi's guitars. They had always been here. Joe and Ally used them quite often, but this was the first time she had noticed that her name was written in the fret boards of several of them.

"Are these mine?" She asked confused.

"Well sis." Johnny said standing and scooping her up. "Those actually belonged to the person we named you after. She was very important to daddy and mommy."

"Where is she?" She asked innocently.

"She's in heaven." He explained.

I watched as he pulled one of the guitars from the rack and he held it up for Demi to get a good look at it. Her small fingers touched the lacquered finish as she drug them across the strings. She looked mesmerized as she stared at the instrument. I recognized that look. I'd seen it before.

It washed over me in waves. Sometimes it was easy to forget how much I missed her still. She'd been gone for years but sometimes it felt like I'd just lost her yesterday. Right now was no exception. My hands were shaking as I lowered myself onto the sofa. I didn't trust my legs to hold me up as the memories surfaced.

Sometimes I could still feel her fingertips on my skin. If I listened closely, her voice still whispered my name. I watched and listened and Johnny talked about Demi, with Demi. He showed her pictures and videos of when she was still with us and I watched as my young daughter fell in love with the idea of a person that will always have a part of me.

A single tear slipped down my cheek as I remembered the woman that was taken from me too soon. I just wasn't ready. Demi noticed and squirmed out of her dads arms and came over to me. Her small features were scrunched in worry as she hugged me.

"Don't cry mommy." She soothed. "You'll see her when you go to heaven."

"I know baby." I cried softly as I squeezed her tightly.