He sat down on the wet grass, laying down on the ground, using his backpack as a pillow to support his head. The rain had lightened up and it was now sprinkling. His hair was soaked and his face was wet, but he ignored the cold feeling of it. He closed his eyes, seeking for things to have a vision on. He picked up his hand and placed it in a position where it like he was reaching for something.
"I wish it wasn't so cloudy all the time. Is it ever spring here?", He wished upon looking at a cloud.
Maybe closing his eyes would make his wish come true. Time probably. It was November after all but in the end, anything is possible because this place was like a wonderland but aside from all the happiness. His mind was drifting off ever so endlessly. It was like everything was starting to turn into a black hole. He felt absolutely nothing except a hole in his heart of where it was once filled.
"What do I really want in life?", He questioned himself.
The thought of it made him dig down deeper into the question. There was no meaning or purpose of staying here in this forest so escaping will have to do. But, it was impossible. He knew this place like the back of his hand and wanting to escape caused the cons to overpower the pros because in his eyes it was far too impossible. And even if there was a chance he knew that the forest was like a maze only an extremely smart person could get through. He let his guard down and exhaled, sighing.
He decided to stay here for the time being, which meant the rest of the day. All his thoughts were on autopilot and it was like an unending loop of the same thing. Positivity and negativity. The rain had stopped pouring and the atmosphere and his surroundings felt moist to the touch of it. His eyelids were shut tight and he didn't open them until the sound of a bird chirping notified him. A warm touch of sunlight hit his face and he felt confused for a second until he opened his eyes to find out that the sound of peaking out. The gray clouds were still there but only a small number of them stayed in the sky. His wish had come true, and he had the confidence that it was going to happen. A distant rainbow was spotted as his head rotated to the right of where it passed the edge and on the other side. He stood up, and in the longest time, he joyfully cried and put his hand over his mouth, bringing the other hand to his chest to grip onto his shirt. It felt like he was going to die of happiness because of what he just saw.
A literal rainbow and sun peaking out of the clouds. He could die right here and right now with no regrets because the moment was far too beautiful to even manage. He grinned and laughed as he put both his arms out to the side, spinning around while smiling like crazy. The tears forced their way down his cheeks and he didn't care about anything in the world except for the scenery he was looking at. The more he waited, the more the sun and rainbow would be more clearer in his vision.
The little sounds of birds chirping filled his ears and it sounded like pure music to him. After spinning for a while he dropped to the ground, laying again. He looked up to see many clouds float peacefully above him. They weren't gray anymore, they were white. The pure whooshing sound that passed the bridge of his nose made him breathe in some of the fresh air that was meant for him to inhale. This was heaven and there was no sign of heaven to be going away anytime soon.
"Ah~, I don't want this to ever end.", He says.
He didn't even think once about the negative cons that were once flooding through his head. And that's because the peaceful sounds of the things around him brought positivity and relief into his life. He knew he was done for but this was the last thing he needed. He couldn't stop smiling. He couldn't stop focusing on the beauty that surrounded him. This was it, but who was he to care, because he didn't, he didn't try to. He put both his arms under his head, still looking up at the blue sky that flourished throughout the heavens. It was like a cleanly, painted canvas.
Then he looked back at the person he once loved but he didn't frown, he kept on smiling and imagining if she was here lying next to him.
"I know, the skies look so beautiful. If only I could reach you from above.", He quaked out, lifting his arm up.
He set his arm down and stood up, standing at the edge for the last time. He looked down to see how deep the bottom was. It still looked dark and shallow but it had meaning to it. The thoughts didn't come back but a little hint of negativity hit him. He gave in and took pity on himself. He knew this was going to happen after all but it wasn't a big of a deal to get through. He just had come and go with the flow.
"The sad thing is my love, I didn't even get a chance to know what your name was...it was foolish of me for not asking during your final moments and I deeply apologize...but should you be the one apologizing to me? Is that too harsh? I don't know...I really am simple-minded.", He sighed.
He paused for another moment.
"In that dream, were you actually mad at me? Or was that a sign for me to let go of a grudge I've been holding onto? Was it you? I think so...and if it is, is it true that you don't really love me anymore? No, that's not true. You wouldn't do that...I should stop thinking about this."
He didn't know what to do at the moment. An empty collection and variety of things were laid out in front of him but they all seem to turn out the same. It was secluded in the back of his head, isolated and untouched. There was nothing to be seen nor something to be thought of. The feeling of being dumbfounded hit him like a lightning bolt. What was there to be sad about? What was there to be obsessed about? What was there to be so over-dramatic about? What was there to pour tears onto? Why was he still breathing on this Earth right at this very moment?
It was all like a tsunami of questions that could be answered but his exhausted mind couldn't handle anymore of this. He needed a break, he needed a release from every single pondering thought that ran through his brain like a light turning on in an instant. Should he just take deep breaths and stop over-reacting over such little things? Letting it be should do the trick. He'll get over it soon. Or would he? He would...
"Do you ever wonder why things are so...complicated in life? Even the little problems like trying to open a pickle jar. Or the big problems like the ones I've encountered this past week with the thought of Lucas and you. Do you ever feel like there's no solution? Yeah, I know, even if there isn't, there's always a way to cope with it."
As he took another step towards the edge he closed his eyes.
"Should I?"
Another gust of wind passes by his body. It felt cold to the touch and it gave him goosebumps. The little hairs rose from his arm. His eyebrows twitch and he opened his eyes to hear the birds chirping again. He stepped away from the tip of the edge and turned around.
"I'll breathe another ounce of air until the Earth will run out. I'll walk another distance until my legs cannot handle any more miles. I'll have my last nap until my normal six hours of sleep have extended. I'll have my last supper looking for fish in the lake and until my stomach has been filled. I'll move my body for the last time until I cannot manage to even move my fingers. I'll live if that's what you want me to do my love. Everything I do is for you..."
"Theodore?", A feminine-like voice chirped inside his mind.
He shook his head.
"Farewell and goodbye, for this will be the last time I'll ever think of you.", He says in conclusion, grabbing his stuff, walking down the hill to exit the area.
