@wingsanddreams
15th of October, 2k19
| C O V E R + T I T L E |
Your cover and title are very pretty! And for the story you are trying to convey I think it works very well!
| S Y N O P S I S |
Your synopsis gives just enough. It's nice to get a background of Riva's life because then you don't have to spend time in the book explaining the origins of certain details. There are a few grammar errors and sentences that should be reworded just for better fluency and to more attract readers. If people see errors in your synopsis they won't even begin to read your book.| P L O T |
There's not much that I can say about plot because I can't say that I've seen a lot of it or any real indicators in the first few chapters. Im glad that you haven't jumped into the romance straight away and your book is currently going at a nice place.| C H A R A C T E R D E V E L O P M E N T |
I wouldn't have expected your characters to develop because you're only three chapters in so don't worry too much about that. However,
in novels you want to show and not tell. For example saying "she slammed the book on the table." That sentence conveys anger without explicitly having to say "she slammed the book angrily." You drop a lot of information about your characters that you should instead show. We as the readers shouldn't always know what the characters are thinking.| D I A L O G U E |
Your dialogue sounds quite unnatural in places. Remember, your characters are young people. They wouldn't say "sis, accompany me to college." They'd say "Sis, walk with me to college." But if you first language is not English making your dialogue sound natural can be hard. A translation of something regularly said in one language may be something that is not said at all in another language so just bare that in mind.| O R I G I N A L I T Y |
There aren't many readers with a protagonist that has a disability so I applaud you for the use of different characters because like you said, not everyone can look like a Victoria Secret model.| G R A M M A R |
You do tend to stay in the correct tense but overall grammar needs improvement. Punctuation is often used incorrectly and sometimes sentences don't make sense but I understand that English is not your first language and it's amazing that you are attempting to write in English so please don't be disheartened!| W R I T I N G S T Y L E + F O R M A T |
There isn't really much attempt at describing. You asked me to focus on setting but there wasn't any description of setting at all. Try to focus on describing what your characters can see so the readers can imagine it.| O V E R A L L |
The concept of your book is really lovely but your book needs some work. In terms of making your characters relatable and describing setting. These things can easily be done in editing. I don't mind helping you through the editing process!
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𝐖𝐘𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖𝐒 (CLOSED FOR NOW)
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