The Secret Desires of a Gifted Child

The Severing of the Umbilical Cord

What really changed the whole Jane-Lucille-Michael thing was a certain comment said by Lucille one grey Wednesday. The comment was, “Michael’s pretty ugly.”

Putting it lightly, it went downhill from there. Not that Jane and Luci were obsessed with looks and all that. No, that was just the beginning of when they began to see him in a bad light. I mean, both of them agreed he was too hunky (not in a good way) and unappealing to the eye for his own good, besides the fact that he had to have some girl’s attention at some point, even if it was Louise’s.

Let’s just say, Lucille already had her mind set against him. But then Jane was put next to him in a table group. Firstly, it was awkward being so near him even if he was a friend. And secondly, he would have boyish tendencies and hormonal moments. If you catch my meaning.

The very evening when Jane had finished all her math homework, she called Lucille.

“Hello, Luci,” she said.

“Hello, phap,” said Lucille, who was currently hooked on saying the word ‘phap.’

“Phap yourself. I have something to tell you. It’s really nasty.”

“What’s that?” Lucille asked, immediately perking up, sensing good gossip on the horizon.

Jane sniffed on the other end of the line. “Well,” she said, “I’m not exactly sure how to put this, but... Michael sort of smells.” Lucille burst into uncontrollable peals of laughter.

And that’s how it began. And then it blossomed. It wasn’t just “Wow, can Brittney stop flirting with him, he’s our friend” anymore; no, it had turned to “You know, in an odd way, Brittney and Michael are a good pair - they’re both attention seekers”. And doesn’t it make you slightly depressed how something can go from perfect to terrible all in a matter of a week? Yes, that’s what it was, a week.

“Hey, Jane, looki,” said Lucille pointing at Bruce and Brittney, who were practicing the school musical with the rest of class. Only they were flirting over their scripts. Michael was vainly trying to pretend-to-punch Brittney to get her attention.

“Well, at least Theo’s not there,” said Jane.

“At least that,” agreed Luci.

“Now, class, anyone who hasn’t finished their math booklet, you must work on it from now until lunch,” announced Mrs. Goj.

“Isn’t it ironic,” asked Lucille, “how she says ‘class’? Isn’t that sort of every-teacher’s phrase?”

“Mhmm,” said Jane, and from there they launched into talk about cats. You see, both Lucille and Jane loved cats. Soon they were debating whether they’d want to own a cat with green eyes or yellow eyes.

From across the room, a loud voice said, “I think cats suck! Aren’t dogs so much better?” It was Theodore, and he was looking at both girls out of the corner of his eye.

“Shut up!” said Lucille, standing up. Mrs. Goj, on her BlackBerry, didn’t even notice.

“I wasn’t even talking to you,” said Theo in his fake-innocent voice. “I was talking to Ernie, right Ern?”

Ernie grinned foolishly. “Yeah.”

“Well, cats are better, even if you aren’t talking to us,” Jane piped up.

Theodore sniffed pompously. He looked at Ernie, then back at Jane, and said, “You shouldn’t butt in like that, you know. That’s what being rude is!”

“Yeah! Stop listening into people’s conversations, JANE.”

Michael, who had caught a hold from the front of the class, boomed, “They don’t know anything, man. Just ignore them. At least we all know cats are worse than dogs.”