Embracing Discomfort: A Guide to Taming the Anxiety Beast

Chapter 1: Introduction

What is anxiety? According to the American Psychological Association, anxiety is "an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes," such as changes in blood pressure or erratic breathing patterns. "People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. They may avoid certain situations out of worry. They may also have physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, dizziness or a rapid heartbeat" (1).

Everybody experiences anxiety. It's one of the many untold truths of mental illness. The difference is that some people rarely experience it and when they do, it doesn't stop them from living their lives. Other people will feel it every day, crushed under the weight of their own mind. Anxiety becomes a problem when you fall into the latter of these categories. When subconscious dread overpowers all other emotions and thoughts, it can be difficult to carry out the simplest of tasks or engage in the slightest form of social interaction.

An anxiety attack is essentially the destination that anxiety-sufferers dread finding themselves in. For us, this space is hell! People often get confused about the differences between an anxiety attack and a panic attack, which isn't helped by the fact that DSM-V doesn't recognise anxiety attacks at all. The two attack types are remarkably similar in a physical sense as they share the same symptoms: tightness in the throat, sweating, hot/cold flashes, feeling faint/dizzy, trembling/shaking, nausea, and an irregular heartbeat are just a few of them.
The main differences lie in the psychological aspects. A panic attack often relates to a fear of death or injury, or a feeling of detachment from the world, one's self, or both. An anxiety attack stems from a worry or fear, often relating to feelings of distress or restlessness (2).

If you're reading this, it's likely that you've already experienced the dread that I'm referring to. It comes hand in hand with this mental health issue. At times, anxiety or an anxiety attack can feel more like a demon gripping your throat, stealing your breath, putting toxic thoughts into your mind, causing your heart to beat irregularly and your body to sweat hot and cold. Yet many of us are against the use of medication, often for a variety of reasons, and so we're faced with a dilemma: do we continue to suffer through anxiety every single day for the rest of our lives or do we learn to tame the anxiety beast? But is that even possible? Can we learn to live with anxiety?

Let my just clarify that while I will be referring to anxiety as a monster or beast, this shouldn't worry you. I'm using this term simply to reflect what anxiety seems like to us whenever it lashes out, but as we'll see through this book, anxiety is a lot like the monster in your closet. It only has as much power as you give it, and so the more time you spend thinking about it, the more worried you become and the scarier the monster gets.

Imagine that you're walking down a dimly lit alley at night. Around the next corner you hear demonic, angry noises. Suddenly, a shadow appears on the wall and shows a monstrous, nightmarish creature. You start panicking, worrying about what this thing might be. Is it a bear? Is it a werewolf? Is it some unknown creature from hell itself? As it nears closer and closer, you grow more terrified, until you're hyperventilating, your heart is racing, and you're dripping in a cold sweat. But what comes around the corner? A stray cat. Sure, it's a bit feral looking, maybe missing an ear or an eye, but it's just looking for food. It doesn't pose you any real harm.

The shadowy creature on the wall is the anxiety monster, but the mangy cat represents the reality of anxiety. We unintentionally create the fuel that feeds the beast, and through doing so we create a scarier, more intense situation for ourselves.

With that in mind, what exactly is the purpose of this book?

First of all, let me clarify that this self-help book is not a substitute for professional help. While I do have a degree in psychology, I'm not qualified to offer medical or psychological advice through therapy or any other means. I'm writing this not as a psychologist or mental health professional, but rather as an anxiety sufferer.

Over the years, my anxiety has plagued me to varying levels. At its worst, I barely left my house. Even just the thought, let alone the action, of carrying out some of life's simplest tasks would be unbearable. Getting a haircut, going to the shop, or sitting through a university seminar. These may seem like everyday things, and yet I would avoid them all as much as possible. I'd start the month with a haircut that left me practically bald and wouldn't revisit the barbers until I looked like a character from the 4th Harry Potter movie. I'd skip classes at university mainly to avoid the possibility of being put on the spot in front of everyone. I appeared lazy, uninterested, and unmotivated, but in truth, I simply couldn't face the deep, dark abyss that the more intimate classes would feel like. I even half-assed my dissertation due to being unable to recruit participants. I felt weak, frustrated, useless, afraid, and of course, anxious.

Many people often ask, "why didn't you try to get help?" and I find that it's nearly impossible to explain how difficult that task is. If you have anxiety, seeking medical help for anything is no easy feat. The only time I'd go to the GP was when my health was nearing dangerous levels. To draw attention to your own anxiety is in itself an anxiety-creating situation. You're shining a spotlight on a creature that wishes to remain in the shadows, and when anxiety feels threatened, it attacks! The only parallel I can draw is asking a man with broken legs to walk to the hospital to get help. He can try, but it's going to be agony. Many people are unaware that while anxiety may be psychological, that's not to say that it's incapable of causing pain.

I want this book to simply serve as a tool that you can use. If we think back to the cat example, this book intends to make you aware of what anxiety really is so that you can focus on the cat instead of the shadowy monster on the wall. You can't fight a shadow, but you can learn about its source, and through doing so you can remove the fear and ultimately regain power and control over your own life.

As we'll see in the next chapter, there are some hard truths you'll have to accept before beginning this journey. I don't want to call this a biography, because my life isn't nearly interesting enough to warrant such a book, but in essence, I want to combine my own personal experiences with research and medical knowledge to provide you with a number of options for reducing the control that anxiety has over your life.

I'm going to discuss several different techniques that may help you, all of which have benefited my own journey in some way. In the final section of this book, you will find examples of how you can incorporate these techniques into your life in manageable and incremental ways. I will include an example of a '5-Week Selfcare Challenge' at the end, as a demonstration of how you might choose to ease yourself into each technique. This is meant only as a guide, but there's no reason that you can't follow it.

Finally, I want to mention that while specific products/services are mentioned within this book, this is purely for educational purposes only. In no way am I associated, sponsored, or financially benefiting from these companies or their respective products/services. These aren't advertisements or paid endorsements. Anything I mention is genuinely something I found to be a useful tool, and I always suggest carrying out your own research prior to purchasing anything.

Time for the difficult part: accepting hard truths!