Voldyrus (Voldemort x Papyrus): It All Started With A Nose

Chapter 4: Stuffed In A Sack

Papyrus would scream for help, but he was too confused about his predicament of being stuffed in a sack by a stranger.

"THIS FEELS REALLY UNNECESSARY," he said as he felt himself being dragged through the ground.

"I know. The boss said that this was the most efficient way to take prisoners, though. I could probably cast a leg-locking curse or something instead, but whatever."

"HOW ARE YOU MOVING SO FAST, ANYWAYS? I PROBABLY WEIGH MORE THAN YOU."

"Oh, I cast a spell to make myself stronger."

"HOW DO YOUR SPELLS EVEN WORK? DO YOU JUST INVENT NEW ONES WHENEVER IT'S CONVENIENT?"

"Well, in this story at leas-"

"STOP TALKING, WE JUST MADE A FOURTH WALL JOKE."

"Oh darn you're right. Okay we're here now."

Ugly Rat Dude let Papyrus go and took him to Voldemort's secret lair.

"Yo waddup ugly rat dude," a cold, snake-like voice called out from the shadows, startling Papyrus.

"Nothin much V," Ugly Rat responded. "Just brought a skeleton guy that found a human nose with me. You know how it be."

"Ohmygodhefoundahumannosebringhimtomenowwww," the Dark Lord hissed menacingly.

"Yes, my Lord."

Peter Pettigrew kicked Papyrus towards Voldemort.

"UH... WHO ARE YOU?"

"I'm Lord Voldemort, but everyone calls me You-Know-Who because I'm so evil my name strikes fear into their hearts. You can call me Voldy!" The Dark Lord did an evil laugh.

"NYEH. OKAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT AGAIN?"

"The nose you found."
"HERE YOU GO THEN!"

Papyrus handed Voldemort back his nose. He did a spell and put the nose back on his face. When he turned, Papyrus blushed a little.
"YOU KNOW... I USED TO THINK YOU WERE UGLY... BUT LOOKING AT YOU WITH A NOSE..."

"Yes I know my nose is gorgeous."

"NOT JUST YOUR FACE. I THINK I'M IN-"

But then Dolores Umbridge rose from the dead. It was at this moment Voldemort regretted not disposing of the body instead of letting it sit there in the middle of the floor.

"Why, hello, Voldy," she said.

"Don't call me Voldy."

"That's too bad, then. HEM hem hem hem hem hem hem."

"AH... WHAT IS THAT?" The only thing Papyrus understood was his feeling of hatred for this woman, just like everyone who reads about her or exists at all.

"Oh, nothing. Hem hem HEm hEMME hHEmemME hEHme."

"Please stop," Wormtail aka Ugly Rat Dude said quietly.
"I can't help it, dear, I'm clearing my throat. HeHMMeMMM memmaemma hHEm amem hHAeame mamehHAem."

Everyone hoped that this meant she was going to die soon. Surely this coughing didn't signify anything healthy.

"MMmMmMMMMMMMMMmmMMMMMMMMMMMMAh. Okay, I'm done. Anyways, I need your three gentlemen's help."

"No," the three responded in unison.

"Would you like me to phrase it differently?" Dolores Umbridge switched her tone of voice. "Yo yo waddup Lord V, Rat Dude and skeleton, this girl need yo help."

"No."

"...At least hear my terrible predicament first?"

"No-"

But she already began her story.

"Basically, my own body is realizing my terribleness and is actively working to kill itself and now I die and come back to life at random intervals." Then they all fell asleep because her story was so awful.

"Well, that was unhelpful." Then Umbridge died again.

"AND THAT WAS ANNOYING," Papyrus said, waking up suddenly. He picked up Umbridge and threw her body into the Underground. Hopefully no one would find her there.