My Poems

Wicked Smile

Sometimes... I feel cold.
Sometimes I just want someone to hold me
And sometimes, I want no one.

People tell me they understand
People tell me they get it
People tell me they can help

You can't
So stop trying and just leave
Leave just like everyone else

You don't know me
You can't know me
You won't know me

So leave
Leave just like everyone else
Everyone else who 'understood'

I don't know where this anger came from
I don't know why this darkness came to me
But it did

And it smiled at my torment

Making me want to lash out and hurt you
Making me want to knock you down
Making me want to make you leave

Don't leave

I don't understand why I tried to force you to leave
I don't understand why I pushed you away
I don't understand why I hurt you

I don't understand

But you left
And it's my fault
And I deserve it

And this wicked demon of hate that lays inside me
Is burying hurt deep inside me
And while he he turns my once warm face to stone

He smiles that wicked smile

~~~

Not gonna lie... I'm pretty freaking proud of this poem.

Is it pretty? No.

Is it perfect? Hell no.

But I really like it, because it so perfectly describes how I feel sometimes. Describes that demon that lays dormant in us all, and waits to be unleashed. That demon is hatred, and if you don't acknowledge it, it will make you dance to it's songs like a puppet.

So don't listen to that thing. Don't randomly get snappy at close friends like I do. Don't randomly think, "I wonder if I could push away all my friends and isolate myself, would anyone care?" Cause I think that a lot. And people would care. Honestly it's kinda hard for me to type, because I've recently come to the conclusion myself. :) 

Point being, sometimes people just want to lock themselves away from the world and be miserable. I know I really have lately. And I've been a bit of a jerk to my friends. Especially one of them, I need to straighten myself out. And they don't deserve that, I KNOW she doesn't deserve that. However sometimes when I see my friends I just want to reply with something that's condescending enough to hurt, but not so much to where it makes them feel like it's their fault. And that's not cool. But I seem to be having a problem with being a bitch. 

So guys, be a part of the world. It's really big, and it's really heckin scary. So grab a friend or two, and walk into it together. And just because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't mean it's not there. Afterall, what do you do when you're in a dark cave?

You make fire.