When I was younger, much younger, around 10, I watched my mother die. She didn't die a normal death, she died painfully, and harshly. She over dosed on the living room floor, my father dragged her to the bedroom thinking she was just "too messed up". I knew. I was only 10, but I knew when I saw her cold lifeless face that she was gone. I went to bed, softly crying and listening to the melody of my own heart breaking itself inside my chest. I cried for hours, falling asleep sometime around 4 in the morning. When I woke up, I knew something was desperately wrong. The feeling I had in my chest, the all too familiar sinking feeling, it was the same feeling I got days before I found out my great grandma had died. I was late for school, so I quickly got my school bag on and threw on some clothes. I was half asleep, too focused on that pain in my chest to fully realize the reality of the situation. Until I opened that bedroom door. I saw my mom lying there, in that bed. My father was right next to her, snoring loudly. I crawled on top of my mom, and whispered her name.
"Mom, you didn't wake me up for school."
Nothing.
"Mom, you gotta wake up I'm late for school."
Once again, nothing.
"Mom, please!" At this point I was frantic, I knew in my head she was gone but my heart didn't want to admit it. I shook her, I gently moved her face around.
Then I heard it.
A soft choking sound, gargling almost, coming from her throat. She was alive! My instincts were wrong! They had to be, I knew she'd be okay!
But no words came out. No soft whispers of "Jess go away I'm trying to sleep."
No sleepy voice. Not even a grumble. Just that terrifying choking sound. It almost sounded like she couldn't breathe.
I slapped my father awake, screaming that mom wasn't waking up.
He got up and made me go to school.
It was around 12 AM when the police came and got me. Picked me up. Told me my mother was dead.
I felt my heart rip itself to shreds, I felt my world collapse and my happiness shrivel inside me. My own mother, my flesh and blood, the one woman who gave me life no longer had one. I cried so hard I thought I would break. I wailed, I screamed, I cried. Maybe if she heard me she'd turn around on her way to heaven and come back. Maybe the doctors were wrong, maybe she was just sleeping really hard.
Please don't let my mom be gone.
Please don't take her from me.
Take me, take me and not my mom she was an amazing person.
She didn't deserve this.
Please.
Take me...
~.J.L.~
