The Dream Oath

Chapter 4.5

Maria opened her eyes as Edgar cleared his throat. She'd been resting at her desk since the council meeting with her head in her hands. It seemed Edgar was either getting impatient or ha something valuable to add.

"What is it, General?" Maria straightened her pained back and forced herself to look him square in the eye.

"Forgive me if this is out of line, but is there something you wanted to discuss?"

"I do not understand the question."

"Sometimes, if thoughts are stuck, it can help to bounce ideas off another person."

"And you are offering, I suppose?"

"We are brother and sister now working toward the same goals."

Maria sighed. She was pretty sure that including one's brother-in-law in one's confidences was not a part of ladylike behavior. On the other hand, he was the only person who might understand.

"Yet, you've offered to execute me more than once."

"Before you were my sister."

"I am quite sure that the offer still stands, sister or not."

"My brother's happiness is important to me."

"What would you know, General, of expected a certain role in life, training for it, wanting nothing more, than having your life turned upside down and discover there is a new role you must play. One with different responsibilities, which you are not trained for, and reminds you of everything you have lost?"

Maria's voice did not waver. Edgar's ears detected detachment. The words came out, perhaps she meant them, but the sorrow they should have carried was missing.

"I find that the strongest feelings of unhappiness come from resisting the situation. You've suffered tragedy. In your position, you don't have many options. But I find that acceptance can make the road a little easier."

"You misunderstand me. My personal tragedies are bearable. But the more I set in these council sessions, the heavier my dress begins to feel. The crown weighs on me. You see Gwen bringing me lunch. I am never hungry. I was not injured. Perhaps you would have killed me, but I would not have starved or frozen.

"Days before you-" Maria stumbled for a word that wasn't destroyed or ruined "your brother took the throne, I found out things were not what I was led to believe. I only worried about my music, my duties, and becoming a good wife someday. I knew other women worked, but I did not know children died of hunger here. The concept that some people struggled to find warm clothing in the winter was foreign.

"I look at my jewels and feel guilt. When I eat, I don't taste food. It's hard for me to take in."

Edgar tried to recall a time he was this sheltered. He tried to recall a time either his sister or half-sister were this sheltered. Maybe when he was too young to ride, but he doubted even that.

"What will you do about it? Mope? Feel sorry for yourself that you get to enjoy unearned privilege while others suffer?"

"Excuse me?"

"Does feeling sorry for yourself actually do anything? No? Then deal with it. Being apologetic about it doesn't do anything. It doesn't help." Edgar was sick of her. Sister or not, she needed to get herself together. His brother deserved someone who would help him, not take up resources and look pretty.

"So, what would you have me do?"

"Maria, you have a choice. You can choose to be the pampered queen. Drown yourself in jewels, ignore the countries problems, and feed off your husband's hard work. My brother is a good man. He will take care of you if that's what you want. Your other choice is to do something. The hard route is reinventing yourself. Changing into a role with different rules, different goals is hard. But Ralse will support you. You're stuck with me too. At least if you choose to participate in bettering your kingdom, you won't be alone."

Maria's face never changed through his rant. Her spine stiffened. Her chin rose slightly. Staring down her brother-in-law was less difficult than it had been moments before.

"I distinctly recall requesting that you never use my given name. Consider this reminder a command since you ignored my request."

Maria rose and left the room. Edgar followed her, as he did everywhere, to her chambers where she turned before shutting the door. Her eyes promised a swift death if he dared follow her in.