Why can't you be mine?

Releasing pressure

"Common girl, loosen up"
"Smile a bit please"
"What's holding you back?"
Kasalukuyan siyang pinapaligiran ng kanyang mga dorm mates sa oras na yun. Kakatapos lang nila mag dinner at hindi niya malaman ang dahilan kung bakit siya ang pinagdiskitahan ng mga ito. Kinukulit siya ng mga ito na mag kwento about her life while nagging her to smile.
She gave them a slight smile which turn out to be a grin.
"Sa dorm na ito halos alam na namin kwento ng bawat isa and because you're new, we dont know anything about you yet. And we're dead curious. Bakit mukha kang indian? May lahi ka ba? Bat hindi ka pala ngiti? What do you do before you entered school? What are your hobbies?" Sunod sunod na tanong ni steph.
Jana smiled a bit.
Slowly napapalagay ang loob niya sa mga ito, its been almost a month anyway. And she is starting to like her dorm mates. Steph is bubbly, carla is a singer, esther is prim and proper, sobrang hinhin na parang di makabasag pingan. And many more.
"Okay , stop asking questions and just listen" she answered without smiling and with a serious facial look. Tumahimik naman ang mga ito at umayos para makinig sa kwento niya. So in all nasa sampu sila naka upo sa paligid.
"I graduated as an honor student in high school, pang eleven ako out of 85 students. I was a former beauty queen sa high school i hold the title of being miss Inter-high twice. While in high school i became a rebellious daughter, i grew up under my grandparents care because my father is busy and my mother is sick, she has epilepsy. Panganay ako sa apat and in high school, i used to do everything my father hated me to do. I joined beauty pageants, bikini open fashion show na ayaw na ayaw ni papa. I almost joined a gang. I became his headache. I took up tourism, in college i work as I study kasi gusto ko ipakita kay papa that i can stand by my own, that i dont need him. I almost lost mt track dahil sumama ako sa maling barkada. Natuto akong uminom nanigarilyo and sumagot sa parents ko ng pabalagbag. I even had fist fight with my father. Yeah babae ako pero i learn self defense and mixed martial arts na siyang ginamit ko kay papa and worst lalo lumayo loob niya sakin." Mahabang kwento niya na naging reason para suminghap sila. "And my grandfather wants to discipline me kasi hindi ko natapos course ko sa labas so throw me here para matuto daw ako"
"Dito madidisiplina tayu lahat" singit ni judith.
"Why dont you smile often, it looks good on you" puri ni vanna sa kanya.
Tuloyan na siyang na pa ngiti sa sinabi neto.

After nung usapan nila sa dorm medyo nag loosen up na ang pagiging maldita niya. She tried her best na hindi magtaray sa mga school mates niya and she even tried to be friendly.
"Jana wait up" lumingon siya habang naglalakad papuntang classroom. Nakita niya si Peds na tumatakbo patungo sa kanya.
Napataas agad ang kilay niya.
"You need something?"
"Kita mo to, sa iba napakabait na ,sakin mataray padin. Kilay mo abot na sa ceiling ng corridor" anito na napakamot. Sa loob kasi ng ilang buwan na pamamalagi niya sa school na yun naging comportable na siya at nakikipag usap na siya sa ibang students. Naging friendly din siya sa iba maliban dito na lagi niyang tinatarayan dahil mapang asar at mahilig magjoke ng hindi mabenta.
"Okay what do you need?" Kinalma niya ang tinig at binaba ang kilay. Ngunit pormal padin ang mukha.
"Can't we be friends too?"
"Di mo ba alam na bawal lumapit ang boys sa mga girls ng within 1meter? Nasa rules yin diba?" Masungit niyang tanong
"Alam ko" 
"then why are you so close to me? Gusto mong makita tayu ng mga deans dito at ma office tayu?"
"Common Jana, i only want to be your friend. You've been here for almost 2 1/2 months now I've seen you talk to other students pero pag ako lumalapit sayu ang sungit mo. What have i done wrong? May kasalanan ba ako sayu ng di ko alam? Para kasing may nakakahawa akong sakit kung umasta ka sa harap ko. Nakakasakit ka na. Fine. I wont bother you again." Pagkasabi nito at tumalikod na ito at naiwan siyang tulala na hindi alam kung tatawagin at mag sosorry or just let him walk away.
Sa huli nag desisyon siyang dumiretso na sa klase. Maghapon siyang hindi tinapunan ng sulyap ni Pedrick kahit pa magkaklase sila sa lahat ng subjects.
Kinagabihan hindi siya nakatulog sa kakaisip sa mga sinabi nito sa kanya. He's been so nice to her. All he has done is to show her good things. Anu sinukli niya rito katarayan, kasungitan. Kung tutuusin napakadali ng gusto nitong mangyari, let them be friends. Why cant she let herself have a male friend. Eh dati pa naman sa labas ay karamihan sa mga friends niya lalaki. 
Nakokonsensya siya. And she doesnt like the feeling. Mabuti pa nuong hindi siya attach sa mga ito she wouldn't think of their feelings pero natuto siyang pangalagaan ang nararamdaman ng iba, sa loob ng mahigit dalawang buwan andami niyang natutunan.
She learned how to smile from the heart, to have friends, to mingle with others and to laugh with others. She learned how to be simple in a very different way, accepting. But deep inside she still have that vacuum part longing to be filled with something she doesnt know. That night she decided to give Pedrick the chance for friendship.
She slept with a decision in mind.