My Guardian Devil

"I didn't even tell him that I love him."

~ Chapter 2 ~

It all happened so quickly... First Maze and Amenadiel coming to their aid. Then the demon roaring out in agony before collapsing to the floor, followed by Hanger's final attempt at ending their lives in literal flames. And then Lucifer. Her Lucifer appearing in all his devilish glory. Beautiful and luminous wings spread at his sides, hair messy and suit crumpled as if hell itself spat him back out. He protected them without a thought about himself. And it had cost him... dearly.

"Amenadiel, do something!" Chloe cried out, holding her fingers firmly to Lucifer's neck, checking his pulse while the other hand lay folded in his own trembling fingers. He was shaking now. Whimpering and latching to Chloe as if she was his lifeline.

"Nothing can be done Chloe, he's just drained of energy-"

"He's in pain!" she exclaimed.

"Well of course he is! He just used powers none of us were sure he was still capable of wielding! He's exhausted. He hasn't exercised his light bringer gifts since father banished him from the sliver city," Amenadiel replied with equal intensity. But he couldn't hide his own panic as he looked at his little brother struggling and defeated. Lucifer wasn't one to give up easily. But the desperation in his eyes was evident in an abundance. He kept opening his mouth to say something but was couldn't mumble a single word because he was cut off by another gasp. Tears were pouring down Chloe's cheeks. She hadn't expected their reunion to go this way at all and looking down at Lucifer – the usually mischievous, cocky and powerful Lucifer made her stomach churn with a newfound dread.

"He's hurting!" She cried and clasped his hand tighter in efforts to comfort him. He wheezed and stared into her eyes with such longing, such love, that no words would ever be needed to convince her that the devil had fallen – for – her.

Amenadiel nodded and motioned for Chloe to move. She did so reluctantly and Lucifer reached out after her. Even in pain, he wanted her. Chloe choked on her tears as she watched the angel pick up his brother. Lucifer wouldn't have ever allowed this. Had he been in the condition to refuse. Seeing him so weak and hopeless made Chloe's blood run cold. Of all demons, Maze appeared at her side and grabbed Chloe's wrist. Not forcefully, but more, out of comfort.

"I'm going to take him to Lux," Amenadiel informed whilst backing up and unfurling his wings. Lucifer was sobbing now. But not out of pain. He was stretching towards this mortal woman who he cherished so deeply, desiring her by his side. "Get there as soon as you can." And with that, a powerful gust of wind, they were gone.

Leaving Chloe, a recently-healed demon and the two, shocked and terrified Dan and Ella. Chloe had forgotten that they were even there. All she could think about was Lucifer.

"Will he be alright?" panicking, Chloe searched Maze's face for answer.

"Yeah, I think" was all she got in response. Although Maze's poor attempt at hiding her own concern wouldn't fool a detective. The awful feeling in her gut wouldn't subside. She needed more confirmation.

"I didn't even tell him-" Chloe sniffled, "that I love him."

"He just needs rest Decker. And a lot of it" Maze reassured. Chloe nodded and bit her lip, stalking towards Dan and Ella who just stared into the abyss, similarly to when Chloe had found out about Lucifer's devilishness. Chloe resented the way she responded to Lucifer revealing his true form. In fact, she loathed the way she thought and acted. She knew how much her disgust and fear hurt him. But only came to terms with the full extent of the damage her reaction had caused him after Lucifer left. She didn't have even have time to apologise more deeply. To show him how much he truly meant to her.

It had been in the recent moths, when Lucifer was back to ruling hell, did she learn more about his beginnings and all the pain and anguish he had endured throughout his life. How he's never been loved. How his father, God, kicked him out when he defied him. Yet his defiance came in the form of asking for free will. And he payed a price. He was shackled and left to fall, then damned to rule hell for all eternity. To be villainised, called evil. Nobody loved him in heaven and definitely nobody loved him in hell. Chloe discovered that all of his Lucifer-ness, the abundance of sex with strangers, substance abuse and habit of making everything into a joke. All of it was just a façade to conceal the pain he felt every day. The betrayal. Because Lucifer thought everyone was out to get him. He thought he was unlovable. Which is why he would always freeze up when anyone showed him affection. Because he was terrified and didn't understand how somebody could care. 

Amenadiel told her that he regrettably, only truly understood the depth of Lucifer's self-hatred and endless agony after he left. And now he knew why his broken brother began giving out favours. Invented them actually, Amenadiel had told her. Because he was searching for a connection. He wanted someone to accept him for who he was but throughout the millennia, not a single soul did. And it tore Chloe to shreds to think that every time she snapped at him, turned her back on Lucifer. When she avoided him and tried to poison him too. That he lost whatever pieces of himself he had left. 

Linda had told her how much she meant to him. Dr Martin explained how distressed he would feel when he thought he had done something wrong. How he never wanted Chloe to leave because he knew it would kill him. And how terrified he was to reveal himself to the detective. Because he thought he was an evil monster that nobody could care about. And that was the scariest part of all. That Chloe, a woman who Lucifer loved so dearly she would never fathom just how much she meant to him, was the reason he was shattered. Because, as it turned out. After Chloe escaped to Europe to get away from him. Because her fear overcame her conscience. Lucifer was a lost soul. Linda had told her that every morning, he would groom himself and look presentable. Put on his best suit and head down to the precinct and wait for her. Like an abandoned puppy in search of affection. And when she didn't appear, he'd return to his penthouse and punish himself. Because he thought he was the problem and deserved the worst he could conjure up in his fragmented mind. Chloe recalled how happy he was when he had overcome his scepticism and believed that she had accepted him. He thought he had finally found that connection. And then she proverbially stabbed him in the back. And that broke him yet again. And Chloe hated herself for that. Abandoned, betrayed and lonely, Lucifer was left to rot in his decaying thoughts as he convinced himself over and over that he was a monster. And that epiphany made Chloe vow, never to take him for granted. Never to hurt him again.

***

It took a fair lot of convincing and force to get Ella and Dan into the car. Maze drove recklessly to Lux with no regard for traffic laws of the three law enforcement officers in the car with her. Nobody made a noise though. All in their own worlds.

Chloe practically leapt out of the car before it came to a full stop and crashed into Linda who was waiting for them. Amedadiel probably called her.

"How is he?" Chloe questioned.

"He's restless, refuses to go to sleep without telling you something" Linda replied, therapeutically as always. Probably trying to calm Chloe down a little. She was in quite a state.

"Telling me something? Telling me what?"

"I'm not sure" Linda frowned and observed as Maze ordered the two alarmed humans out of the vehicle. Chloe had moved to walk past her but something stopped her. Something on her mind.

"Was he in excruciating pain because I was near him?" she asked cautiously, dreading the answer.

"No" Linda replied simply, "Amenadiel thought you'd ask. But no. It was just the immediate outcome. He'll be fine i'm sure. He is the actual devil after all."

Chloe appreciated Linda's kind attempt to normalise the situation. With that Chloe summoned the elevator and without waiting for the others, stepped in and began the unbearably long journey up to the penthouse.