Friends [𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈]

28

idk i was in my mind the voices in my head keeping me up at night i had been avoiding everyone except for symere,  i had be cutting something i promised myself i would never do

"FUUUCK" i screamed and i made another line on my arm i felt good the blood dripping out my body making me feel lifeless or numb i ran my finger across the cut and smiled i cleaned myself up and took a shower brushing my teeth etc today symere had planned something "special" i got dressed and put on a black hoodie that said 'don't kill your friends' and some black sweatpants and some some nike slides i picked up my phone, keys, and then left i walked to symere's house i ran the doorbell and the smell of weed struck me as sy opened the door i saw stokeley, gazzy, on the couch before i came in i asked symere a question

"can i call micheal over"

"sure"

i came in and called micheal

i missed him he had been going on a lot of dates yet none worked out so i wanted to spend time with him too, i was stuck the thing i crave is also love...

-

i sat down on the couch grabbing the blunt from stokeley and hitting it hard blowing smoke out my nose i passed the blunt back to stokeley and sat there looking at the ground

"you okay jah?"

"yeah"

"let me see your arm"

without hesitation i gave him my arm he pulled up my sleeve and looked at me now everyone was looking at me

"why-"

"it helps me feel numb"

"y'all don't understand how bad i wanna put a bullet in my head...the only thing that keeps me from doing it is music"

"please-"

"but i promise y'all if music doesn't work im putting a bullet in my fucking head"

"jah fucking seh stop okay your not just hurting yourself your hurting all of us i don't like to see you said and neither does anyone in this room" micheal ranted

i sighed

"i'm about to go to the studio, who wants to come"

"Me!" everyone said in unison

i chuckled

"we can walk its not that far"

-

at the studio i was recording my new song train food everyone was sitting on the couch giving me their undivided attention

I remember I had walked home that day
Content with all my misery
Told myself it'd get better, no clue what there was next for me
Remember there was people, walkin', talkin' in the distance
I was dressed for winter weather
But the summer rays were kissing me, I
I was lost
So I took a different path, in the distance he awaited me
Had no weapon, I'm guessing his hands were just enough for me
Was no question, I'm guessing he laughed just at the sight of me
I was lost
I remember I had walked home that day
Content with all my misery
Told myself it'd get better, no clue what there was next for me
Remember there was people, walkin', talkin' in the distance
I was dressed for winter weather
But the summer rays were kissing me, I
I was lost
And there he was, his presence was alarming
As he approaches casual, we talk 'bout self-harming
He told me "kid, you shouldn't be walkin' on your own"
He smiled and laughed, and pat my back
He said, "how far are you from home?"
I said, "maybe 30 minutes"
His frequency distorted quick, I seen it in his image
I should've run right fucking there, I-

You ever woke up on a train track
With no motherfuckin' clothes on?
Death before your eyes, you prayin' to God, but ain't no response
Trying to scream for hope, just a shoulder that you can lean on
But ain't nobody coming, so you scream on and scream on and scream on
While this evil fuck laugh at you
Train getting closer, you still surprised that he battered you
Tears falling harder and harder, minutes get minuscule
Could've had a son or a daughter, now what you finna do?
You finna die here on this train track
'Cause clearly after death, ain't no way you can find your way back
Thinking 'bout your previous memories, going way back
All them fucking dreams 'bout the diamond chain and the Maybach
Now your time finally up
Ask yourself the final question, is you going down or up?
Recollectin' all the moments that you never gave a fuck
Now it's here, death has now arrived, time's finally up

i took the headphones off and stepped out and sat on the couch with everyone else

"jah i have a question" stokeley said to me

"ask it"

"why are your songs so sad..."