Do that again || MINSUNG

II

"When I'm with her, I'm thinking of you. Your lips and your thighs and your butterfly tattoo, everything about you, from your body to your laugh. Tonight's just for me and for you Min, I'm not leaving you."

It was the nth time Minho had gotten a mental breakdown about Jisung hanging out with that one girl who obviously has a massive crush on the younger. All he could think about was Jisung leaving him for her, that Jisung just saw what they were doing as a joke. That once it was over, once Minho could get the courage to ask him to be his boyfriend, he'll laugh. He'll reveal how big of a joke it was and how dumb Minho was for falling for it, for actually believing someone liked him. 

"Hey, look at me baby," Jisung tried to make eye contact as the kissed the butterfly tattoo on Minho's wrist. It stood for freedom. For being okay. He got it at the mere age of 17, when he had been clean from selfharm for a year. His mother supported him through the whole process, and gave approval for the tattoo.

They were both currently on the couch, the older on Jisung's chest. He blacked out while cuddling and got a panic attack again. Fuck his separation anxiety. 

"I'm here, kitten. I'm not leaving. I've got you," the smaller rubbed Minho's back, pressing soft kisses against the side of his head. Gently cupping the older's face, Jisung gasped as he saw the tears streaming down Minho's face, his own heart breaking at the sight of it. 

Frantically wiping his tears away, the older felt embarrassed. Jisung noticed as mumbled a string of silent no's, kissing his tears away as he held his hands tightly to stop him from wiping any more.

"It's alright baby, I'm right here," Jisung wrapped his arms around his kitten a little tighter, this time holding eye contact with the boy on top of him, who now was gripping the smaller's shirt tightly.

"Don't leave me," Minho whimpered before Jisung kissed him passionately, hoping to convey his words this way. 

"I won't ever leave you, Minnie," the younger pressed kisses all over the taller's face, calming the other down a bit. 

It wouldn't always be like that, sadly. 

"What the fuck?" Jisung had said when he noticed how the older was excitedly running up to him, about to tell him about his good grade in Geography that he had studied at least two weeks for. Obviously, his smile dropped once he noticed Jisung's expression. Minho almost felt scared. 

The younger pushed him quite harshly, making him fall backwards, almost crying out because he was sore enough as it is. His eyes quickly filled with tears as he made eye contact with Jisung, who furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Faggot's gonna cry now? Pathetic," the smaller scoffed before turning around with his friends snickering at him. 

Why? Why wouldn't they just be normal? Why couldn't two guys being in a relationship just be normal, accepted by society? Jisung wouldn't have to act like this if people were accepting. 

Minho stood up as he watched his boyfriend walk into the cafeteria, the dumb girl immediately latching onto him. It made the older's heart clench in his chest.

Suddenly, he felt so very alone. Like he had a crush on him, but he was in a relationship already. He felt such a big distance while Jisung was supposed to be his boyfriend, or at least feel like one. 

Minho made his way to the toilet, he just wanted to be alone right now. And the girl on Jisung's arm made him sick to his stomach, but he didn't want to admit that. He couldn't admit that. 

He washed his face, looking at himself in the mirror. Maybe it wasn't that Jisung was afraid of being seen as gay, maybe his supposed to be boyfriend was ashamed to be seen with him. After all, he had gained a bit more weight. His face looked chubby and bloated, ugly. His body was drowning in the oversized sweater he was wearing, making him look even uglier. Ugly, ugly, ugly. All he saw was a pig staring back at him in the mirror. A fat, ugly, unlovable pig. 

 His phone dinged as a notification lit up on his phone. Minho was so sure he had stared at it dumbly for at least a minute before opening it. 

sir <3
where are u baby :(
why aren't u at the cafeteria?

sorry sir
i'm feeling a bit sick
i'm in the toilets 

Seen

Minho's heart beat increased as he realized Jisung must be making his way over. He quickly fixed his hair and dried his face with his sleeve, wiping away some leftover tears, too. 

"Hey kitty, you alright?" 

The older tensed up at the nickname, his own sadness suddenly overwhelming him. Why couldn't they just be together, for real?

"Of course I'm not," Minho spat out, the tone of his voice surprising the both of them. He hurt Jisung, his eyes were spelling his feelings out right in front of him.

"Minnie, what's bothering you, baby?" the younger's voice sounded so gentle, so sweet, like honey. Careful so that he won't hurt Minho, so lovely. It made the taller's vision blurry, tears threatening to spill out. 

"Why won't you be my boyfriend?" his voice was low, soft spoken words making Jisung furrow his eyebrows. 

"Am I not already?"

"Not like this," Minho cried, throwing his head back to stop the tears from rolling down his fat cheeks. 

"You're not my boyfriend, you're my dom. And that's only when we're together. I want you to be my real boyfriend, Jisung, but I know you won't be that. You won't be my boyfriend and that's okay, I'm just being a stuck up bitch about this, give me a second," the older turned around, wiping away his tears frantically.

"You're not being stuck up, kitten," the smaller sighed softly before gently reaching out to Minho to turn him back around. 

"I love you baby, you know that," Jisung began but Minho already had his response ready, leaving a venomous "no, I don't" behind as he quickly left the toilet.