Crossed Worlds

Chapter 10: Heavy Weights

Jade woke up to sunlight sneaking in through the gap in the curtains. She yawned and rubbed her eyes frantically; it had been a largely sleepless night.

A gentle knock on the door brought her to her senses, and she called out in a hoarse voice, "Come in!"

Lily entered timidly, with a blanket wrapped around her and trailing along the floor like she was a Princess.

"Morning," she took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Morning," Jade smiled. "How are you feeling today?"

"Like I owe you the biggest thank you in the world," Lily laughed. "I mean, I feel awful. I don't know how to act around Zoe anymore, or how to act at all. I want to pretend it never happened. But it did. And if I keep reminding myself of what you told me...that it isn't wrong...then maybe I figure out what comes next."

It was bizarre to see this side of Lily, the one where she had great confusion in her eyes and sorrow in her tone. Jade wanted to tell her that it was okay to be like this, that vulnerability wasn't weak. She lifted the duvet and scooted backwards on her side so Lily could come in, whilst she tried to figure out the best thing to say.

"You don't need to thank me. I just want you to know that it will all be all right. I think what comes next is you truly understanding that. Be you...it's the best thing you can be. Anything else and you'll be letting yourself down, and I know that's not a part of your vocabulary," Jade replaced the covers back over the two of them once Lily had settled in next to her.

"You're right, it's not," Lily said firmly. "I never let myself down. I must...be true to me. And, this is me."

Jade nodded and patted her shoulder gently, glad to hear it.

"I think you should act around Zoe the way you always have. Obviously, the kiss is going to be an elephant in the room but approach it when you see best. Just make sure you do approach it, at some point," she laughed.

Lily let out a sigh and turned around onto her other side so that she was facing Jade. The bags under her eyes revealed that her sleep must've been as bad as Jade's had been. Heartbreakingly, she still looked as though she may cry at any moment.

"It's so hard. I tried to push down my feelings for so long. It's weird to hear someone tell me I didn't have to do that...that I could've wanted her the way I did...the way I do...all along," Lily looked down and sniffed. "I'm terrified."

Jade reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"It's okay to be terrified, it is scary, but please know that the voice in your head telling you to push those feelings down is your enemy. They're so, so wrong. Anyone who thinks your feelings are bad, or invalid, they're just...you have to block them out," Jade said. "So many people are here to support you. Different, straying from the norm, whatever, these don't have to be awful things to be or do."

Lily thought about that for a long time, and Jade welcomed the silence, hoping that her friend was digesting what she'd just said carefully. Finally, Lily pulled her into a hug. The first hug they'd shared in years.

"I'm not a hugger," Lily said over her shoulder. "So, this means a lot."

Jade laughed and hugged her back before throwing the duvet off them and sitting up to start the day.

"Sadly, for you, first up has to help me make the pancakes for everyone," Lily nudged her, and they both walked off to the kitchen smiling.