Dork diaries: tales of a not-so-popular loser

first day of school... :(

my life is soo not working out right now. i have to move and attend a new school (aka: WCD) and all of my friends back home (i was the most popular girl in my old school) well, my friends totally forgot about me...

so ya... i just got to my new house. since my mom lost her job as a nurse, we couldnt really afford a big, new house. so here i am in a one story house with two bedroom, one bathroom, and a living room/kitchenette. i feel pathetic. well, atleast my mom made her awesome noodle soup today! it totally ROCKED! btw, good night im going to my new school, WCD, tomorrow.

OMG!!! i just woke up to an awesome morning! NOT! :( my hair was a frizzy mess, the bags under my eyes were NASTY, and i smelled like a rotting pig carcass! EWW! so after had to undergo major appearance fixture, my mom drove me to school.

"BYE HONEY BABY BOO BOO!!!" omg, embarrasing! my mom just had to say bye like that?! i just totally lost it and shouted at her face "really mom?! you had to shout so loud that the entire world could hear you say BYE HONEY BABY BOO BOO! REALLY?! im perfect in my hearing you know! you didnt have to SCREAM like some sort of... ummm.. CONSTIPATED ALIEN!!!" but i said that all in my mind so she didnt hear me... :)

i went into the school and was greeted by a girl who was supposed to be my guide "hey im makenzie hollister" she said. "im zara sinklair" i replied. then, that gurl just rolled her eyes at me and looked me up and down like some traumatized donkey and said "cute outfit! NOT! where did you get it? the city dump?! btw, they DONT admit UGLY creatures into this school so bye-bye!) then she started leading me to the exit of the school! WHO DID THIS GIRL THINK SHE WAS?! OBAMA?! SHE DOES NOT RULE MEH!!!! so i turned around swiftly and gave her a nice slap on the BUTT and walked away shouting at her " YOU RETARDED PEICE OF BOOTYHOLE!" i enjoyed her stunned and baffled face. LOLZZZ! then this other girl came up to me and said "hey! im nikki maxwell! i'll be your guide of the school today, even though you were makenzie's assignment... oh! and you totally ROCKED at giving makenzie a peice of your mind! she totally deserved it!" "what do you mean she totally deserved it?" i asked." well, makenzie is a mean, spoiled, very popular girl here. she THINKS SHE'S ALL THAT! BUT SHE AIN'T" she repliedi was starting to see what she meant by that.

later, in history class we had to do a project and i got assigned partners with.. whats his name again? oh! shy'heim... he was sooooo hot! and at lunch i told nikki all about him and she said "sounds like you have a crush!" "OMG! SHUT UP YOU VIGGLE!" i shouted. but she started laughing hysterically... :( then i weny to bio class and i HAD to sit next to makenzie, that sqishy poo. obviously, i made a very STUPID mistake and left my stuff unattended when i went to the bathroom. i came back and got so mad that i FARTED. REALLY LOUD... and shy'heim was sitting right behing me. omg :( makenzie had put rotten oatmeal all over and inside my pecil case, wrote "UGLY" in big bright neon permanent marker, and filled up me bookbag with garbage. it was SOO humiliating that i had to make matters worse and have a REALLY LOUD FART ATTACK THAT SMELLED LIKE HORSE POO AND SOUNDED LIKE AN ORCHESTRA OF ELEPHANTS! omg!!! the whole class was cracking up. EVEN SHY'HEIM! then, my teacher, ms.pussey shouted "IM WRITING YOU UP BECAUSE YOU CANT KEEP YOUR SMELLY BUTTHOLE FROM FARTING!" i was so angry i shouted back "GUESS WHAT?! I REALLY DONT CARE YOU UGLY MANIAC! AND WHAT KIND OF NAME IS MS. PUSSEY?!" then she replied "STOP TALKING BACK TO ME OR I'LL HAVE TO KICK YOU OUT OF THIS CLASS!" "THATS MY DREAM!" i replied. well thats how i ended up with detention for a week. i went home and had a really good CRY!

WHY IS MY LIFE SO HOPELESSLY PATHETIC?! :(

this is only chapter 1 by the way! i'll keep writing so you can keep reading! hope you enjoy!!!!