The Fade

Prologue

              The sun shone through the trees, illuminating each droplet that had slept on the leaves the previous night. Our bodies embraced the soft summer grass and bees hummed all around as birds chirped, creating a beautiful symphony in celebration of God's art. I sighed contently.                           "Kaylie, isn't God just. .. perfect?"

                 She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow so I could look into her emerald eyes. "Mmmm. I guess." She paused. "You know, Mom wasn't even supposed to have me. It was. . ." Kaylie breathed slowly through pressed lips. "A miracle. She always calls me a miracle."

                  I smiled at the thought of my best friend, the most amazing person in the world, being God's miracle.

                   "But sometimes," Kaylie continued, a darker note to her voice now. "I wonder if He's really up there."

                    My brow furrowed and I sat up, cocking my head. "Why?"

                   She picked at the grass, avoiding eye contact. She twirled a daisy around in her fingers. "I mean, I believe He's up there somewhere, but I don't believe that He's helped me in any way. I've never told you this but. . ." Kaylie dropped the delicate flower and it fell to the ground.

                     At this point, my heart beat wildly. What has she kept from me? Is she really doubting her faith now?

                     "When I was five, I was diagnosed with leukemia. Thankfully, I recovered and life went on, but my body was never the same." She gripped her stomach and rubbed it. "My immune system is damaged and if something were to happen to me. . ." Her voice trailed off and she glanced at me.

                    I nodded in understanding. What could I say? There was no way to make her feel better. "So, why does this make you doubt God?" I said cautiously.

                "Because He should have helped me!" Kaylie punched the grass, and bugs fluttered away in all directions.

                I was taken aback. Kaylie was the most reserved and patient person I knew.

                "Sorry," Wiping the dirt off of her hand, she went on. "We begged God to heal me-"

                "But He did, didn't He?"

                 "No, Jaylynn, He didn't. The doctors did. And you know what?"

                  I tried to speak past the lump in my throat, but it was no use.

                   She sat up and rubbed her forehead as if she was exhausted. "Nevermind." Her voice was low and husky.

                   I wanted to know what she was going to say, but I was wiser than that. I had learned the hard way not to push people's boundaries. "I'm sorry, Kaylie." It was all I could get out.

                    "It's. . . it's fine, really. I just wanted you to know why my faith is, well, a little unstable sometimes." She gazed out at the vast land with sad eyes. She shuddered with each breath and it was obvious that she was holding back tears.

                      "So, you still like Jordan?" I said, desperate to change the subject.

                       Kaylie shot me a playful look and all melancholy thoughts were gone. "No. . ." Her voice trailed off and she blushed.

                        I shoved her and laughed. "Don't lie to me."

                       "Alright, yes. Yes, I do." She smiled brightly, but something was off. "But he'll never like me back and we both know that very well."

                       The look in her eyes hurt me to the core. Why can't I tell her the truth? What can I say, that he's been in love with her for the past three years? "That's not true. How could he not like you?" I smiled, trying to put her at ease.

                    "Because," She sighed. "I'm different from the other girls. I'm a handful. I'm hyper, and crazy. I'm loud. I'm not cute and I don't giggle, I cackle like a witch. My hair's always a mess and I don't have a good body."

                "Everything you said is true."

                  Her face contorted slightly and I could tell she was offended, even though she had just said all of that about herself.

                  "All of that is true, Kaylie, but that's what makes you. . . you. You are different, thank goodness. I don't need more prima donnas in my life. You are a handful, but a handful of fun. You are hyper, you are crazy, but I thrive on it. You're loud and I love your laugh. And Kaylie, you're not cute." I looked her in the eyes, waiting for her to react.

                   She blinked and smiled briefly. "Okay, that was honest."

                    "You're flippin' gorgeous!" Kaylie snorted and I continued. "You're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my entire life. I don't know what you're talking about when you say your hair is always a mess 'cause I am so jealous of your hair and your body. Don't lower yourself for other people's standards."

                     Kaylie's emerald eyes darted to the grass. "Thanks, JJ. I don't know how you have so much confidence." She pushed her thick ringlets off her shoulder.

                      "I'm not confident, I'm just content. Not really physically, but I've realized that enough people love me for who I am and that's all I need. I don't need attention or fake love from fake friends. Sometimes, I do dislike myself."

                     "But?"

                     "But I could never hate myself."

                     And oh, how wrong I'd been.