Lonely Nights

Chapter 5

Daddy drives us to a fast food restaurant that is about five minutes away, where we order our food inside before finding a booth to sit. The entire time my nerves are on high as I try to figure out what they meant earlier.

When our food is ready, we have been silently eating for a few minutes before papa finally speaks; "Mylo, we're under the impression that you are unhappy with yourself, is this true?"

Keeping my eyes on my food, I shrug my shoulders lightly; "I feel useless, like I am a burden to everyone. You guys don't deserve any of this especially the guilt Ryan carries."

"Mylo, you are not useless, or a burden to any of us. You help around the house, and Ryan doesn't carry any guilt," daddy lies.

Raising an eyebrow at his obvious lie; "I don't help, and everyone has to help me. Financially, you guys have to pay my medical bills, and for physical therapy, and yes he does."

"Us helping you, the entire family helping you, that's what we want to do. We want to help you, and it is not by force but by choice," papa says with a reassuring smile. "Ryan is not, and doesn't have any guilt about the accident. He takes you to P.T. because he wants, too."

Tears fall from my eyes, my body, mind and soul is tired. I want to sleep for however long I need too, and wake up whole and healthy again.

"I just want to be normal again," I whisper, fighting against the tears, and my wavering voice.

They stare at me for several seconds before daddy speaks softly and gently; "Mylo, you are normal. You are still you as this is your new normal, for now. Eventually, you will be back to your old normal, but this will still different because of your accident. You will be at another new normal."

Staring at daddy, blinking rapidly, trying to keep the new wave of tears inside before softly asking; "Do you really promise?"

Daddy nods with a reassuring smile, and papa has the same reassuring smile, so I sigh softly; "Okay. I will try to accept this better than I am. I am truly sigh for the way that I have been behaving."

Both of my parents smile at me, seeming to be relieved that I will try to accept this better than I have been. Finishing our meal, we throw away our trash away before leaving, and heading home. Papa buys dinner for everyone else at home. Once home, I make my way to my room to lie on top of my bed with a heavy sigh.

"Hey, little brother, are you alright?" Ryan's voice filters over to me from the door.

Rolling my head to the side with my eyes cracked open enough to see him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, and lightly furrowed brows; "Can we talk for a few minutes?"

Ryan nods entering the room to sit on the desk chair near me; "What is up?"

Leaning up onto my elbows to stare at my older brother for a second before telling him; "I am sorry for all the guilt I have given you over the accident."

Ryan instantly frowns at me; "Sure, I carry some guilt, seeing that you've been badly hurt. I carry more anger than anything. Anger that I wasn't hurt, and that I couldn't do anything to stop you from being hurt."

"But it was an accident, you couldn't have prevented any of what happened that day," I argue, upset by his words.

"I know, but it is still there, but there is more anger at the other driver. I am angry at the stupidity of her actions, and what was caused by her decisions," Ryan tries again to reason with me, and my thinking.

"I am still sorry about all of this," I whisper making and holding eye contact with him, and hoping he understands how sincere I am.,

"Listen to me little brother, there is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry about. This was an accident, a situation that could not have been avoided. Yes, it sucks, and it is not something we can change, so stop being upset. We need to accept this, and start moving on to a better and brighter future."

"I will try, that is all I can promise you at the moment. Daddy and papa have already talked with me, and I promised them I'd try harder," I inform him with a faint smile.

"Good. Now, move over so we can watch a movie," he grins, standing to join me on my bed.

An hour into our movie, Myles along with Sonya and Rider join us on my bed which is crowded yet oddly comfortable. Finishing that movie, we start another one, and by the time it finishes, I am barely awake while Sonya and Ryder are already sound asleep. Ryan and Myles help our two groggy siblings to their rooms before Ryan heads home for the night after he says his goodnight to all of us.

Several days have passed making today Thursday, and like every day in my life recently, it is the same as always. Tomorrow night Legacy and I are having a date around 5 p.m., and he won't tell me what we're doing. Not even a hint. This causes some anxiety in me as I am not into surprises, but for him I am trying to keep calm.

"Mylo!" I hear my name being hollered, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I ask my family as we are sitting around the kitchen table having dinner.

Papa smiles at me; "What has you so deep in thought?"

Shrugging a shoulder in response; "Nothing much. I am just stressing about my date tomorrow night."

Daddy smirks while papa gives me a sympathetic smile while daddy responds; "You'll be fine. Legacy seems like he is a nice young man."

"I am not worried about that," I try to explain. "It is the not knowing what we're doing, or where we are going."

"Mylo, get the fuck over it," Myles sighes grumpily, stabbing a forkful of food before angerly putting it into his mouth to chew harshly.

Hanging my head in embarrassment, mumbling out; "Sorry."

"Myles, that's uncalled for!" daddy scolds, startling me with the amount of anger that is dripping from his voice.

"It is fine daddy as he is right. May I be excused, please?" I ask, but don't bother waiting for a response as I push myself away from the table, heading toward my room.

Leaving my chair off to the side in my room in front of my end of the bed. I carefully walk into the closet, locking it behind me, and settling myself on the floor in the far corner, and leaning back against the wall. I allow myself to break down into tears. No matter how hard I try, I am always pissing someone off with my words or actions. Taking my long sleeve shirt off, I make six small cuts across my stomach, clean, and bandage the new cuts before pulling on my shirt again.

I know I shouldn't do this to myself for several reasons but this is the one aspect of my life I can control. I have been cutting for about a year and a half now; and it is not a daily occurrence just when I feel very overwhelmed.

The closet doorknob jiggles a few minutes later with Myles' voice coming through the door; "Mylo, let me the fuck in!"

When I don't answer, or unlock the door, he sighs rather loudly; "Damnit Mylo! Let me in, or come out here, so we can talk. I am sorry for snapping at you."

"I will let them know you apologized, and I will beg them not to punish you for speaking the truth," I call back to him, not moving from my spot.

About an hour later, there are several soft knocks on the door, making me realize I have fallen asleep in my upright sitting position; "Mylo, come out here, or I will unlock the door, and come in there myself."

Daddy's voice filters through the door to my sleep-filled foggy mind. Grabbing my supplies that I quickly place away as I answer him; "I am coming out, daddy."

Carefully standing to make my way to the door, unlock it, and step out into my room with daddy stepping back to let me come out of the closet. Yes, I am aware of the irony of this action.

"Mylo, you know Myles doesn't mean anything bad by his comment, but papa and I will punish him for treating you like he did," daddy says once I am sitting in my chair.

"I don't want him punished for being honest with me," I say, holding true to my promise to my twin.