The Main Character!: The Hero's Epic Journey Continues!

Fear & Loathing, Oh & Vengeance Too

Episode 13 Part 2

The kiss between the hero and his love interest, who according to my Shounen anime data base is always a member of the opposite sex, is a moment that only comes at the end. Oftentimes hundreds of episodes pass, filled with only bickering sprinkled with sexual tension or perhaps a budding friendship that blossoms only at the climax. As his lips touched mine I was of course in bliss, but I also realized that this could be a sign of the end times. It's even more ominous considering that the narrative phantom that compels writers to kill their gays is still cursing our stories. Okay honestly all this is written in hindsight. My only actual thoughts on the moment are as follows: Is he kissing me? Oh my god I feel his lips. He really is. They are so soft and cold but yet they warm my whole body. Does he love me? He has to, right? He even said I love you. He isn't making some quote to calm me down. There's no reason for this kiss other than me seizing his heart with my charisma.

The kiss abruptly ends and he looks at me solemnly.

"You...didn't kiss back." His eyes look dead.

I was just so shocked I didn't have time. Plus what would he think? Would we stay friends? Would romance ruin our relationship like it did for Kora and Mayko? And...let's be honest...my readers wouldn't want that. Noruto and Sasuuke didn't raise Baruto together. If they did, then everyone would complain. There's no place in mainstream Shounen for a protagonist in a homosexual relationship. Lucy went from bi to straight by some unseen force. My feelings for my Best Friend could never be accepted by my fans. It's hopeless.

"Tears..." Best Friend gazes into me. "Was it so horrible?"

No! It was wonderful! I have to say something. He needs to know my true feelings. But I'm so scared...who would accept me? Would he even accept me?

"Kiss again! That was adorable," says Poppy, floating above us.

"His feelings aren't something for you to fetishize you flying fujoshi!" My hair punches the bird out of the sky.

Best Friend points a row of blood swords at the downed bird angel. "We need your healing saliva now."

"Hot!" exclaims the bird with wide eyes, drooling.

Best Friend catches the angel's drool in a bottle and tosses it to me. "It would mean more to her coming from you. Save her...be her hero." He clenches his chest.

Poppy flies off, likely to save more villagers.

I take a step toward him and try to tell him my feelings, but either a homophobic god or forced dramatic writing makes me unable to speak.

Honestly...I'm terrified. Can a hero love his best friend? Is that...okay?

Best Friend wipes my eyes and hands me a mem shroom. "Go ahead. Eat it. Forget about what we did. I'm sorry...I was just so overwhelmed and you...gave me hope again. I shouldn't have done that."

I try to will my body to move but it won't.

"Now now, hero," says the voice of Flam in my head. "You're already taken. Oh, you never told him about us, did you?"

"Shut up!" I yell, grabbing my head.

"I hope you'll forgive me." Best Friend shoves the mushroom in my mouth.

My mind goes wavy.

"Main! Give the fluid to Stalker. Be her hero!" he exclaims.

Maybe if I make him proud he'll suddenly swoop me up in his arms and plant a kiss upon my lips. Ugh. Too bad my life isn't like Ootena. I'm no princess. But I would be for him.