The Main Character!: The Hero's Epic Journey Continues!

That Recap Episode You Always Skip

SEASON 1 Part 1 RECAP

Hey, everyone, Main Character here. I've had quite an incredible journey so far. So incredible, that it's clearly imprinted on your mind for all eternity. Buuut, for all those people who like to begin with the second part first, all six of you, and to everyone who recently had their memories wiped by Tetsuya Nomoreplease, this episode is for you. For everyone else, I know what you're thinking: recap episodes are a bore. Well, you're right. But they can be fun if they have some new content or have the characters make up their own versions and then get called out on it by their friends. Or better yet, if they are accurate but everyone is drawn as a duck! Duckzerker forever! But enough fanboying. It's time to recount my incredible story thus far. There will be ten things I modify from the original cannon. If you're a master and you spot them all, I give you permission to pat yourself on the back and feel good about yourself. Let's get this recap going!

I wasn't always an unnaturally attractive Shounen protagonist with fighting hair. My story began on a train. My parents, who will be simply known as Worthless Mom and Worthless Dad, didn't want a kid so when Mom Racer gave birth, she pushed extra hard and shot me out the window. Orphaned at the moment of my birth would have likely crushed my spirit and make me feel unloved. But an angel came to my rescue. Sleek black hair, gorgeous red eyes and a powerful sense of loneliness that led him to take in an abandoned orphan...Best Friend is true perfection. I...I wouldn't be here without him. We lived together for many years at Lost Keys Orphanage, growing closer every night we slept in the same sleeping bag. The scent of blood became comforting to me because I knew it meant he was close by. He trained me not just in self-defense, but in anime. We watched and reviewed so many animes together. We were internet celebrities, but fame can lead to misfortune and what happened next, well you already know.

April first two-thousand nine-teen was a particular tricky April Fools. Article thirteen was recently passed, putting all of us content creators at risk. Our entire channel, the empire that Best Friend and I had built, was shut down. It was the end of everything, but every end leads to a new beginning. Except for death followed by cremation of course, that only leads to ashen white washing. Turned out our biggest fan, my biggest fan, AngelLolipop8, is an actual real life girl, and has not only been attending the same school as me but was living with me for years. This little stalker chose me to be her village's hero, which had some rather unsettling side-effects. Her shy and polite father came into Watson Elementary and slaughtered my classmates to capture me. Apparently being murdered by cloaked dimensional assassins is the only way for Earthlings to travel to their world. At the time I thought my life was over.

It wasn't over though. In fact, this is where my journey began. I awoke in a hospital bed. Regrettably, my know-it-all teacher, Glasses Kid, was there too. Once I had recovered from my injuries via loli saliva. Don't ask. Seriously, just don't. I left the clinic. It was then that I encountered Banana Man, a produce patriot and doting father who not only gave me a thick juicy banana, but also my first quest. We met with Old Dude soon after; he's the Village of Doomed's chief. He tried to con me into being a hero for free, but Best Friend and I managed to persuade him to change his mind. I swore to be the village's hero that day, in return for a sexy harem.

That night we all went to Onzen, a hot-spring nearby the village. Those of you who bought the regular disc or BOB-ray edition of the first part of my first season already know what happened, but to everyone else...here's the summary, you cheap skates. Best Friend was in a sexy bathing suit! I won't say what it looked like but will instead leave you with a link to where you can purchase it. Sphereofcompassion.com/products/. You're welcome. Anyways, so while Best Friend and I were splashing each other while shirtless, a Goopy appeared at the hot-spring. She had taken the shape of my love pillow girlfriend. No, I did not forget to mention I had a girlfriend just so my female viewers would think I'm single, she just wasn't all that relevant until this part. Anyways, Stalker told me all about Goopies, how they consume heroes so they can have kids and well, it touched my heart. I couldn't give up my life to Boobslime, that's the incredibly clever and equally respectful name I gave the Goopy who stole my girlfriend's identity, so instead I found some angry bigot villager and fed him to Boobslime. Later that night she thanked me by coming to me and kissing me as Best Friend. Weird right? What does she think I like him or something? Girls and their crazy fujoshi fantasies. And then, well, she left with Stalker to do...stuff. I hope to see her again someday. Oh, and at the end Best Friend came and we cuddled. It was super adorable you really should buy it and watch the OVA. Here's the link again. Sphereofcompassion.com/products/.

Anyways, the next morning came and for some dumb reason, after murdering and kidnapping us, they wanted us to prove ourselves worthy of being heroes. To do this, they sent the only female from Papuwawa to test us. Brawny Babe is the name I gave her. She is an impossibly skilled archer who has no friends. Naturally, with my youthful charisma, I turned her into an ally after harnessing the power of Friendship. Oh, Friendship is a rocket launcher by the way, and one that is very particular about gender pronouns.

The battle was won, so it was time to complete my first quest. I went into the forest with Best Friend to collect some quest related bananas, but we were suddenly surrounded by memory erasing toxins from the nearby Memshrooms. Banana Man came to our rescue. Take that in for a minute, a side quest NPC actually got off his ass and went to go complete his own quest. Crazy, right? It was then that we learned he had an exactly eighteen-year-old daughter who was captured by Flam's army. We promised to complete this urgent quest for him, for mostly selfless reasons. After that, we all gathered by a campfire to enjoy some non-lethal mushrooms. I learned that Stalker knew my every thought through her Main Character diary and was also warned about some dangerous creature by Brawny Babe. I walked off before I could hear the whole story, keeping me safe from the mythical beast. I also asked Stalker to find out what turns on my best friend, for purely scientific reasons of course. Well instead of getting attacked by some magical creature, we were ambushed by the Love Dictator, also known as Flamboyant Villain. This tacky psychopath was the cause of so much misery. As a hero, I was going to beat him down and save everyone. Well, that would have been too easy right? I'm smart, so instead I let myself get beaten and kissed, which apparently gave my hair shape-shifting powers. Yeah, I still don't really get it. I also allowed Stalker to get kidnapped so I could have my own Bleached arc. After that I learned that the village I swore to protect, to get a harem, was under attack.

Armed only with the power of Friendship, and no actual friends, I rushed in to get as many hero points as possible. Sadly there were some stooges in cosplay, known as the BattleShippers, that got in my way. One of them almost got a little boy killed, but I saved him. I saved his life and he was super grateful. I'm his Cap'n 'Murica now. I bravely ran off to the brothel to protect the fragile strippers. This is where I met TomCat, a CatBoy general of Flamboyant Villain's army. She had nearly killed me, but I tactfully fought her, purposely holding back so my friends could show up. When they did show up, they killed her, despite her being super hot. It was a sad day for all thicc girl enthusiasts. Assailant learned his daughter had been kidnapped and left, taking my girlfriend with him. My team rushed to the medical tent to stop Flam's army from gaining control of me by stealing a mystical rock. I know; it's cliché and stupid too. Flam took over my POV and I saw quick flashes of what he was experiencing, one of which was Stalker in tears. This vision of my fan in peril lit a fire in my spirit and I valiantly took down the CatBoy soldiers until we made it to the medical tent.

A fearsome dragon and CatBoy General by the name of MewNyah stood in our path, but we took them down without too much trouble. Shortly after we split up, a genius idea I came up with, a resurrected TomCat attacks me. Despite Flam wanting me alive, she tries to kill me. Since I'm so nice to my friends, I released my grip on the spotlight. This allowed auto-pilot me to fight TomCat, letting me see what the others are doing. Glasses Kid takes down a CatBoy commander and his entire team by being a clever lying sack of shit. He then convinces Fruity that she loves her dad. Oh shit! I just realized that little prick stole the quest from me! Is he trying to become the main character of my male fantasy story? Asshole! Oh, the recap, yeah. Um, so Brawny Babe rescues some kids who were turned into pets and then fights Nemesister X or something. Honestly, I didn't really understand that part. Best Friend frees the animals of the zoo with a single slice. Banana Man and him then fight against CatScratch; a deadly CatBoy General who manipulates gravity. I swoon TomCat with my manly yet sensitive charms and we go searching for Best Friend together. We join him in battle and an annoying hero called White Knight gets in the way, but Best Friend manages to kill the enemy despite this distraction. Machine Samurai storm the village to take Fruity away but, by stacking my POV with Flam's we're able to take them down. The family is reunited and our first urgent quest is completed. TomCat has the hots for me but won't admit it, so she pretends that because I helped save her friend she'll lead us to Flam's Castle. Old Dude appears and tells me that I am going to be properly coronated as a hero. I tell him that friends are more important and that my harem can wait until I rescue Stalker. Best Friend refuses to comply and...we have a pillow fight. The pillows are so comfy that I fall asleep. The end!

Instead of an actualnew ending song, sad piano music just plays while cheap black and whitescreenshots of things you've already seen go by. I love nostalgia, but this isjust weak. No worries though; the real story begins soon.