Writer's Recipe vol. 3 (2018)

THE REMAINING MEMORY

Written by: Maryam Al-Yasmin binti Asar

"I've really done it this time," I mumbled as I threw some pebbles into the water. I had been at the waterfall for hours but still, I did not feel like going back home. I had always sought refuge there when my mom got angry with me - a place where I could think clearly when I did unnecessarily stupid things like hiding mom's favourite necklace under her bed. I was trying to keep the necklace safe!

"I think I should get going now before...," my words stopped as I saw a mysterious figure. Her height was just about mine and what stood out about her was her long silky hair that covered half of her face. I saw her one eye which was visible looking deep into my eyes. Her cold gaze sent chills down my spine! I was too afraid to utter a word. Then I could hear a voice from inside my head, "Do you remember?"

"Gasp!" I woke up from my bed with a start. Beads of cold perspiration were trickling down my forehead. It was 20 years ago since I started having that recurring nightmare. I had tried everything to keep it at the bay, but nothing I did seemed to be working. "Oh no! It is already past 8 o'clock," I panicked when I finally noticed the clock on desk beside my bed. I'll be facing the music I reached the office for sure!

I arrived at my office sharp at 9.15 a.m. As I stepped into the building, a loud voice greeted me from the hallway, "Ladies and gentlemen, announcing the arrival of our 'employee of the year', Nancy Johnathan. Give her an applause everyone," boomed Hayden cynically. Hayden is well-known as a yes-man to our boss, Mr. Klark. And right on cue, Mr. Klark walked out of his office and caught me red handed at the entrance. His eyebrows creased and he shot me a very displeased look. "Nancy. Lunch time. My office," he barked. Just like that, he turned away into his office and slammed the door behind him.

Forty-five minutes felt like it went by in a gust wind. I was thinking hard how to explain the situation to Mr. Klark but my mind was drawing blanks. I went to Mr. Klark's office with an agonizing feeling of shame and guilt. By the time I stepped into his office, I thought I was mentally prepared for whatever Mr. Klark had to say but his high-pitched voice, coupled with his sharp tongue made me felt miserable nonetheless.

"You're fired, Nancy!" his last words hit me. My feeling were all mixed up and I walked out of his room feeling defeated. I went to my desk and started packing my stuff. Ignoring my colleagues, I rushed to my car. Once I got into the car, a tinge of sorrow swept over me and the tears welled up in my eyes as I drove the car out of the building one last time.

I drove to the capital city to look for a fresh new job suitable for me. While I was doing so, an accident occurred. The driver was going at full speed and the car slammed into a tree when the driver was trying to avoid of something. I stared at the wreckage in blank amazement and my hair stood on ends as I saw the blood-soaked pavement. A glimpse of a past memory seemed to be triggered by the scene. I faintly remembered the sound of... some kind of beast... and a girl's cries, but I could not recall any further details. Everything was fuzzy. I decided to leave the area before I lose my sanity.

After wandering aimlessly at the capital city for some time, I decided to grab some food at a nearby restaurant. I took a seat at the far end corner of the restaurant and called for the waitress who promptly approached me. To my horror, the waitress looked just like the figure that had always appeared in my nightmares. Fear completely robbed me of my speech. She approached me and whispered in my right ear, "Follow me. I'll bring you to the place you remember the most." Before I could even respond, she took my hand pulled me inside a room.

"Close your eyes," she commanded. I had no choice but to comply. As I closed my eyes, I felt as if I was being drawn into a swirling whirlpool but instead of the coldness of water, it felt a dry and hot vortex. When I opened my eyes, I found myself in a blank open space devoid of any colour. "We are inside your memory," as the strange woman said those words, a column of pure white light appeared in front of me. "Inside lies the answer to all your questions. But know this, once you stepped in, there is turning back," she explained.

I couldn't fully comprehend what was going on but one thing is for sure, I needed to know what was going on with me, so I took a deep breath and embraced myself as I plunged into the column of memories. A flash of blinding light took away my sight. When I could finally see again, I saw a little girl. Me. From twenty years ago. The scene was just like my nightmares - I was at the same waterfall with the same girl. That girl was talking happily with my kid self as if we were close friends. When I took a closer look, I noticed that the other girl looked exactly the same as me! I have a twin sister? Why didn't I remember that? However, the heart-warming moment did not last long and was about to be replaced with a horror one.

The roaring sound of a beast was heard from the bushes, sending shudders down my spine. The twins' faces drained of all colours and before they could utter a word, a jet black wolf-like creature lunged towards one of them from the bushes. "No!" I screamed in horror. The other twin could only watch helplessly as the creature was ravaging the body of her sister. "Sister, help!!" she screamed in pain, but the other girl stood up and ran away. She heard the other girl screaming, crying, imploring mercy from God to make the beast stop. Eventually, the screaming stopped. The girl had survived. *I* had survived and left my sister to die.

"Do you remember now?" the woman appeared in front of me. Now I understand everything. All this time, I was being haunted by the guilt of leaving behind my own twin sister, Nayla to her death. Wiping away my tears, I said, "Yes, I remember everything now. I'm so sorry... So sorry for leaving you behind Nayla." "You still haven't realised it, haven't you Nancy?" said the woman and then she showed me something – a gravestone. I had to read the inscription twice just to make sure.

'Farewell Nancy Abraham Jonathan'