Writer's Recipe vol. 3 (2018)

REGRETTED LOVE

Written by : Nur Atikah binti Sharulnizam

February 11, 2011

The most memorable day of my life. That was my first encounter with my first love. The beautiful day was still fresh in my mind. I was having my nose in a book before I was distracted by the sounds of disgust made by my classmates in unison. It was so noisy that I actually boiled. Fuming with rage, lifted up my head to analyse what was disturbing my studies. After all, my final examination was a mere two weeks away. Gazing at the source of the hullabaloo, it was the first time I saw him. A scrawny, bespectacled boy. He had a naive smile on his face which easily made him stand out among the crowd.

He somehow, seemed to be proud of himself and that was the weirdest expressions I had ever seen. As my curiosity got the better of me, I closed my book, left my seat and stepped closer to the crowd but I did not expect to see such a scene; he had spilled water on his table and now he was licking it clean. What was truly shocking was that his face seemed to indicate that he was enjoying it!

I could not help myself but to burst out laughing. That was the first time I had ever laughed that loud in class. When I finally realised what I was doing, I immediately clasped my hand to my mouth, but it was too already late; everyone's eyes were already fixed on me. The most embarrassing part however, was when I looked at him and our eyes met for the first time. I felt a sudden throb and my heart skipped a beat. From that moment on, I realised that I could not take my mind off him.

* * * * *

4 years later.

"Hey Ace! What's the answer for this question?" he asked me out of the blue and sat beside me. I shot him a murderous look before I answered, "How would I know?" and ignored him just like I had been doing for the last 4 years. "Aww, come on! You haven't even looked at it yet!" he protested. I lifted up my head and stared at him coldly before I snatched his book and scribbled the answer in it. It had always been like this. Even though deep in my heart I was so drawn to him, I never so much as showed that I even cared about him.

"There you go." and I continued to ignore him again but instead of going away, he kept sitting next to me and finished the exercise there.

"Um.... Iz?" he began.

"Yeah?" I answered without so much as looking at him. "And why are you even sitting here? Your place is over there," I said in an annoyed tone while pointing at his seat.

He looked at where I pointed, and then looked at me again. His face showed disappointment for a second but he completely ignored what I said and continued doing his exercise there. Over the last four years, I've always wondered how he felt towards me because his actions always give me a sliver of hope that he felt the same way as I did about him. Of course, being the stubborn girl that I was, I could never bring myself to ask him about it. But should I?

19 February 2015,

It was a cold grey evening with a dull sky and threatening rain. I took a deep, long breath. "It's time," I said to the reflection of myself in the mirror fixed to the door before I opened it and walked straight into the classroom. There was Iz, sitting on chair, waiting for me. Quickly getting himself off the, he came towards me and asked, "So why do you want to meet me Ace?" and he looked into my eyes. My heart skipped a beat when his stormy grey eyes met mine. I could not stop this overflowing feeling and my mouth uttered those words.

"I like you, Iz. I have liked you since the first time we met."

Stunned by the words that his ears had just caught, he stared confusingly into my eyes, trying to find the truth in my words. There was a shine in his eyes and I could see his lips curved a little to form a smile but something held him back and all of a sudden, it completely disappeared. Hesitatingly, he said, "I'm sorry Ace, but I..."

No words could express my embarrassment. I ran away before Iz could say anything else. My breath came too tight and too fast. A pool of tears started at the corners of my eyes and silently coursed down my cheeks as I ran through the corridor. How my heart ached and shattered into pieces. He had rejected me! But I still loved him. I would still love him, even if it kills me

* * * * *

Present day...

"Hey Ace!"Iz snapped his fingers in front of my face. Startled, I stepped back into reality. "Want to go home with me?" he asked with a smile. It baffled me how he could act as if nothing had happened. "Thanks but no thanks, I can go back by myself," I replied curtly, my head turned away from him as I packed my things, ready to go. When I finally turned around, Iz was already gone.

The scenery that evening was not at all fascinating. The sky above was full of tumultuous, dark and ragged clouds. It seemed as though the clouds were about to burst at any moment, releasing the load of water that they had been carrying. I could spot Iz waiting for the light to turn green at the pedestrian not far ahead of my current position but I kept my distance from him.

As predicted, the rain started pouring. Water filled the streets in no time at all. Iz was crossing the road when suddenly a car sped down the road. The vehicle showed no sign of slowing down and was in a collision course with Iz. Without even thinking of the consequences, I dashed towards Iz and pushed him aside before my vision was blinded the light of the car.

I was lying in a pool of blood, groaning in pain. Each droplet of rain falling on me felt like acid, burning through my body. I had no strength left. I could only wonder if Iz was okay. The sickening smell of blood filled my nostrils, making me suffocated. Each breath was a torture. No words could explain the pain that I had to bear. Was I going to die?

My vision was getting blurry when I Iz made his way to me. A stream of hot clear water ran down his face, falling on my forehead along with the droplets of rain. "Thank God you are okay," I said weakly. He lifted my head and put me in his embrace. The warmth of his body flowed through mine that was soaked with blood.

"Ace! Don't leave me! I love you." I was right. He did love me after all. A wry smile appeared on my face before I eventually closed my eyes for the last time.