Pokemon:Are You a Boy? Or a Girl? Version

Chapter Eleven- Desu

"GO! Magikarp!"

Ruby sent out his Magikarp, which was looking much less dead and much more... classy? The orange fish now donned a black top hat and bowtie, and was holding a cane in one of its fins somehow.

"What the hell?" Ruby asked, not expecting a reply. But, since this is crack, there was one.

"Yes, I happened to be very surprised as well but as soon as that lovely nurse in there healed me up, I began to feel a bit more British."

"At least this isn't the weirdest thing I've been through since I started my journey," he said, thinking back to the time when Sapphire had stolen laxatives from the chemist and said that they were better than any other kind of candy.

"Now, with my newfound gentlemanliness, let us engage in a battle with that twat from the Gym!" said Magikarp.

"I think not," replied Ruby and returned it to his Pokeball.

A boy came up to him.

"Are you a trainer?" asked the boy. "...Desu."

"What?!"

"You're a trainer, aren't you-desu?"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES DESU MEAN?!"
"Desu means desu. I live by the way of the desu! Desu."

Ruby took a cautious step back. "Okay, I'll be taking my leave... now...?

The boy stepped forward. "Wait! No! Don't leave-desu!"

"Alright then, who are you?"

"I'm Wally-desu, and I want to be a Pokémon trainer-desu! Please help me catch a Pokémon-desu!"

Wally-desu dragged Ruby to a patch of grass and shoved him in. "Catch me a Pokémon-desu."

The battle music started. A Hydreigon popped out, even though it was supposed to be Generation Three.

"Aww, only a Hydreigon-desu? I wanted an Arceus-desu!"

Ruby threw a Pokeball at the Hydreigon and it clicked three times. He threw it at Wally-desu.

Wally-desu sighed. "Well, I guess this crappy pseudo-legendary will have to do for now-desu."

He walked away.

AND NOW AFTER THAT HORRIBLE WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD POKEMON, WE RETURN TO KANTO!!

"BROCK HARD."

"WHAT?!"

"GO ONIX!"

"GMPD!" screamed Red, who, not used to shouting, had run out of capital letters.

Metapod came out of its Pokeball. "I'm harder than you," it said to the Onix, using Harden.

"BRUUUUH!" screamed the Onix, who was smashing into rocks.

"USE ROCK THROW, MY BROCK HARD ONIX!"

"USRGST! Oh, f**k it," said Red. "Use String Shot."

Onix picked up (somehow) the Metapod and threw it. "WHO'S A F**KIN ROCK NOW?!"

Metapod used String Shot and covered the Onix in string.

The Onix began to flop around. "NOT COOL BRUUUHHH!"
It fell on Metapod. "Stay hard..."

"Metapod! Return!" called Red, who then sent out Espurr. Who still had a very inconvenient blood pouring out of its head. He realised he had no idea what this thing could do, due to a certain author stealing his only useable Pokémon when he got drunk, so he picked up Espurr and threw it. Unbeknownst to Red, when Espurr's ears were lifted, it released a huge amount of psychic power. Enough to kill all enemies. And that was exactly what Red had just done. The psychic power radiated through the Jim and killed Onix.

"YOU DEFEATED MY BROCK-HARD POKEMON! I AWARD YOU WITH THE HARD BADGE! AND THE TM BIDE!"
OH NO! BROCK AND BIDE! BARACK AND BIDEN! THE ELECTIONS! A CONSPIRACY! IT'S THE ILLUMINATI!!111!!!!

Anyway, Red gratefully accepted the Hard Badge and stepped down the step from Brock's platform.

Standing at the door was a figure.

A highly recognisable figure.

A Hobo- I MEAN GREEN.

"I'm back, dickhead. And it's time for a rematch."

Red heard a voice from behind him.

"BREEEEEDDDIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGUUU...."

Red ran to Green.

"I agree, it's time for a rematch. Let's get the f**k outta here."

Thanks for reading! A few notes-

I'm sorry for my inconsistent censoring.

I keep forgetting which Pokémon they have, so plotholes are likely to pop up.

Brock's "BRRREEEEDDDIIINNGGGGUU" is from Pokémon 'Bridged. I'm sorry. I had to put it there. It's just something I have to do with Brock.

The suffix -desu is Japanese and is generally used in anime to make characters seem cuter. Look it up if you wanna know more.

This is probably not going to follow the plotline very well.

See you in Chapter 12!