It took me a while to realize that depression is an addiction. I've had so many opportunities to let everything go, so many times I felt so happy I thought I'd never fall so far again. But every time I thought I let everything go, I didn't. And every time I fell down a little harder. Even though I want to let go, I can't . And most of you know, I don't have any self control, which means I'm very sensitive for addictions. Cutting was an addiction for me. And I feel like depression is too.
I feel comfortable in the darkness. I've been surrounded by darkness for so long, it's all I know, it's like my home. Whenever I'm finally doing a little better, I start searching for darkness. Instead of reading a normal book I start reading a book about mental illness. I start digging up memories I've hidden far into my mind. Whenever I don't feel as bad about my body, I weigh myself. It's like something inside doesn't want to let go. When the other side wants to be happy. And it feels like if I stay this way, I can't ever be happy again (like, happy for the rest of my life instead of moods). Even though I'm doing better than I did before, at the same time I'm doing worse than ever before. Like I don't cut myself anymore and I feel less insecure about my body, but my downs are so much worse. And I get stressed too easily. While some parts if me are getting better, the other ones are getting worse. And it's all because of me. I have the power to let it all go, but I don't. And I wonder if I'll ever be ready to let it all go..
YOU ARE READING
I'm fine: Depression quotes and poems
Random*Trigger Warning* These quotes and poems are about depression, self-harm, anxiety, suicide and eat disorder. Some quotes are my own, some quotes are from songs or movies and all other quotes are from places that no one knows on the internet. If yo...
