I'm fine: Depression quotes and poems

128.

update about my life. For the last couple months everything feels more intense. My ups are getting happier and happier, which causes my downs to be lower and lower. Each time I'm happy I feel like I'm ready to let go of my past. But apparently I'm not. Every time I fall down a little harder. And I really want to know when it's gonna stop. When my feelings will stop being so intense. I cry like 5 times a day, if only for a sad movie. (Well, scary movies will do either, I'm too emotional for netflix). I need to know when there"ll be some balance between the good times and the bad times. Because I can't hold on much longer. 

Also my home situation is fucked up right now. I have to pay for living here, and I'm only 17. I had an agreement with my parents about paying them en they just simply didn't stick to it. Everyday I have to hear these painful things being said to me, by my parents and sister. Even if it's only about a pimple on my face. Or how I eat way to much and get fat (which I'm not for some weird reason). But if you've heard itfor the last couple years, you eventually break down. I get into fights with my parents almost every day. 

Then there's the story about my eating disorder..? For the last couple of months I've been so exhausted and tired, I sleep a lot but it doesn't help. So I eat. A lot. Since a few weeks ago it's been so bad I throw up like 15 times a week. In the middle of the night, at work, during dinner.. I even fainted once (idk how that happened, my bloodsugar level is way too high). But I'm kinda fearing diabetes. Once I start eating I just can't stop. Same with drinking. I just fuck up myself because I can't control myself. I just hope I'll get some self control soon. 

And finally, as some of you know, I'm a baker. Which means I only work mornings. And when I get home, I'm all alone (Except for my parents, but fuck them). And all my friends still go to school and stuff so they don't have time to hang out. And it's getting so lonely. I don't go outside as often as I used to, I'm just stuck inside a little room, watching series all day. And I just hate it. I've got plenty of time to think.. uhh.. Overthink. I just hope and pray It'll get better someday.