Bittersweet Moments

Back to the beginning

I walk up to the boys and smile. Jay takes my hand and we say goodbye to the others before getting in his car and driving off.

I automatically turn the radio on and curse myself for the habit that I had learned. We drove around London with the radio playing a song by some new artist I was going to have to interview soon.

It wasn’t long before we stop and I know exactly where we are. It was the café we came to the day we went looking for Rose and Nath. I smile at the memory and wish we could go back to that moment and stay in it forever.

“What are you thinking about??” I jump slightly when Jay speaks up.

“The day we came here. The way we were so care free and didn’t care about anything or anybody. We were just there enjoying each other’s company.”

I smile at the thought.

“We talked for ages. I wish we could go back to that day and just stay there forever.”

I get out and make my way to the door.

When we step inside I immediately see Talitha and run up to give her a hug.

“Sam!! Long time no see my friend. How are you??” She smiles her big warm smile at me which I return.

“I’m good, working hard. How is married life treating you??” Talitha and Finn got married a couple of months ago. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Everything was just beautiful.

“Oh you know, we are still in the honeymoon phase if you get what I mean.” She winks and I laugh. I nod my head and give her a quick hug.

“We’ll have to catch up soon okay.” I state before turning back to Jay and see he had gone to our booth and was looking at me. I blush as I walk up to him and smile before scooting in opposite him.

He starts talking about the music and concerts but I didn’t pay much attention. I watched his face, the way his eyelashes fell onto his cheeks when he blinked. The way his nose would wrinkle when he talked about something bad or disgusting like eating meat. The way his mouth would turn up into a smile and the sound of hi laughter escapes. I look into his eyes and examine them. Behind the exterior that he had built for himself I can see the man who I love with all my heart. The real Jay McGuiness. The bags under his eyes tell me that the dreams are back and that he hasn’t had much sleep.

“When was the last time you had a good nights sleep??” His head shoots up as I ask the question interrupting his random rambling about something.

“Ummm, I think the night before we all went out.” My eyes become wide with shock.

“Jay that was eight months ago!! You need to go and see a doctor.” 

“I know but it’s just that they are going to make me sit in a room and talk about my feelings. Making me admit my feelings and secrets. When I know what I feel.” I take his hand in mine and squeeze it gently.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it??”

“I don’t want to share my personal life with someone I hardly know or trust.” He states in a tone that I can’t quite make out.

“Well do you trust me??”

“With my life.” I gasp at his words and smile.

“Well why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself.”

He looks up at me and smile.

Jay goes on to tell me about his whole life. All the secrets he ever kept. Everything. From when he was a child till now. I listen intently to what he is saying. Never once breaking eye contact with him.

 He reaches the part about our break up and I can feel all my emotions come back.

“When I broke up with you it shook my world. I thought it was for the best. I really did. But then the nightmares came back and I couldn’t sleep. I went out all the time. I hooked up with random girls to try and make me forget you and to stop the dreams. But it didn’t work. I need you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I know it’s usually the other way around and I want to protect you but right at this moment I need you to protect me.”

By now we both have tears running down our faces. I hated the idea of him with other woman but I understood why he did it.

“Jay I never stopped loving you. Not even when you came through the door all drunk and rowdy. Not even when I looked into your eyes and saw something else.  I have loved you for the first three years as a fan before I met you. That day while we were sitting in this exact booth I knew I was going to love you for the rest of my life. I swore to myself I would fight for you no matter what came in my way. I would fight. But then you broke up with me and it broke me. I took my feelings and put it in a place where I didn’t go. But then today I saw you and they came back. I love you so, so much that it kills me how much I love you. I know you need me and I will be here for you.” He comes over to my side and slips in next to me, placing me in his warm embrace. I sob into his shirt making it wet and sticky.

“Sammy I never wanted to leave you but I thought it would be better for both of us. I see now that it wasn’t. Could you forgive me please??” I look into his eyes and nod before our lips meet. The kiss was filled with passion, love and lust. I smile as he starts to hum the chorus of lightning.

“Let’s go home. Yours or mine??” He asks getting up.

“You are my home bird.” Smiling we leave the café and drive back to his house.

I couldn’t be happier. I had him back!!! I had my Jay back!!! I am the luckiest girl in the world.