Is This Love At First Sight? | John Mulaney x Duolingo Owl

Chapter 3

John's hopeful little heart was the deep thrum of a booming bass inside him. His thoughts were consumed by the noise of it as he waited patiently for Duo to arrive inside his apartment. John had never done anything of this sort before. He led a sad, lonely life, ironic but not uncommon for a comedian. He wished his life was not so ironically pathetic, yet cliched for his occupation.

~

At last Duo came fluttering up the stairs and swept past John into the man's cluttered apartment. Tension and excitement clung to the walls as the two of them stood facing each other. Oh, to be in love an awkward first dates, John thought. He had forgotten how this felt – he had been lonely and single since those dreaded and angsty high school days.

But as he furtively glanced up and peered at Duo's feathered face, that familiar spark that had been buried under his other tangled emotions slowly arose. God, it had been a long, long time since anybody had made John feel this way. As he pondered this strange but beautiful creature in front of him, he realised that Duo was indeed checking John out also. He hoped he was making a good impression.

To relieve the awkward nervousness they shared, John coughed, making Duo gaze up at him questioningly. He glanced around at his apartment and motioned for the owl to sit on the navy-blue sofa in the living area. Duo peered curiously at every inch of the apartment – everything that presented some aspect of John's eclectic personality. When they were seated, John asked tentatively, "So, Duo, would you like some dinner?"

Duo clicked their beak and rasped, "Yes, of course John! Only if it's no trouble for you, anyway. I have been hungry for so long, you know. I have been starving on this vegetarian diet for the past week and I could not begin to tell you how rough not eating tender human flesh has been."

Duo grinned as they noticed John looking alarmed at this revelation, and so reassured him, "don't worry, I only eat those who deserve it and don't keep up their language streaks. Inconsistent little shits that don't keep their contracts must pay dearly. You have to understand this, John."

John didn't think that was reassuring but kept his mouth shut.

~

John busied himself with heating up leftover lasagne in the dimly lit and cramped kitchen as Duo intently watched basketball on John's tiny television. As John waited for the dinner cake (as he fondly referred to it as), he not so subtly inspected Duo perching contently on the couch. Oh how fine that bird looked! John thought fondly. How innocent and beautiful they looked in the dimness, unaware of the lovesick eyes fixed upon them. Oh how soft and wonderfully green those feathers were! How they were already moulting onto the couch. God, just look at those terribly fierce claws that John knew had ripped at human flesh many times. And how scaly yet beautiful those feet were! How they curled and uncurled unconsciously, gripping the couch cushions in a deadly grip.

John arose abruptly out of his infatuated observations as the microwave beeped. He unceremoniously dumped the two steaming heaps of dinner cake onto plates and carried both of them to the couch, where he deposited one in Duolingo's grateful grip. It seemed Duo was quite experienced at using their feet instead of hands. What has John expected? Feathers were seriously unpractical for anything other than flying, world domination and hugs.

They ate in silence as they watched the basketball game. It seemed neither of them cared much for the sport, but it was a welcome distraction. When John had finished his meal, he peered over at Duo, who had sauce smeared all over their beak. John smiled to himself as he used a tissue from the box on his coffee table to neatly wipe away the mess. Duo appeared startled at this sudden act of kindness. They clicked their beak and smiled back at John. At least to him, it seemed much of the awkward tension had vanished in that moment.

John spoke hesitantly: "So Duo, I apologize for this lack of formality on my part – I haven't had intimate company in quite a long time, so I have not yet grown accustomed to what is expected of me. I'm sorry, Duo. Ever since I saw you, I have been curious as to what this attraction is towards you, and why it's happening. You seem like such a deadly yet beautiful soul, and I would genuinely love to get to know you more and discover what this attraction is. I have not felt something so intimate and unexplainably tantalising towards somebody as I have with you."

John stared intently at the carpet as he waited for Duo's reply to this sudden confession. After what appeared to be an eternity, the fluorescent owl churred softly.

"You know, John, I believe I feel a similar way. But don't you dare suggest this is fate 'cause that is a load of crap."

John's heart rose at this. "So... did you wanna meet up again sometime this week, Duo?"

Duo clicked their beak and nodded. The pair exchanged phone numbers and then Duo opened John's living room window and was off into the night. John stared after them, a tiny spark of something flickering contently in his heart. The moon was high and so was Duo as they fluttered their way home, wherever that was.