It's in the little things: One-shots x2

Strictly: Our family Dot...ours.

Dianne's POV:

Blackpool week is here once again! It's a bit weird not competing this year, after the whirlwind of emotions that we went through in this place...the excitement, the nerves, the frustration and the true love.
It was Blackpool where we got our first tens!
Where I met Joe's mum and Nan properly for the first time!
Where Joe told me he loved me for the first time...a moment I will never forget.

Glancing round everyone around seemed to be either asleep, on the phone to their loved ones or chatting to their partners and going over their choreography. It was times like this, that I realise just how much I miss my Joseph on this crazy journey; being the busy boy that he is, Joseph couldn't come with us to Blackpool because he had to perform on West End, he refuses to miss a single show in his time as Ogie. We had agreed on the train yesterday, that we would all meet for breakfast In the hotel before an energetic showday in the famous tower ballroom but everyone had unknowingly teamed off, leaving me to my own thoughts in the corner...not helping my current situation and my helpless overthinking. Checking my phone for the fourth time in ten minutes, I decide against calling Joe again, not wanting to interrupt his day again and I know mum is busy with my Nana and Grandad so I can't speak to her either- I guess i'll just sit here and watch the world go by I suppose.

After all, Blackpool is supposed to be the most magical place in the UK.

Loosing myself to thoughts of Australian beaches, my Joseph and a family Christmas, I hadn't noticed that I had been joined by Gorka, Gemma and little Mia, not until she squealed anyway. "Did she scare you Di? I didn't think you of all people would jump at a baby!" Gorks chuckled, rocking his baby girl while Gemma sorted out the baby bags, luggage and her handbags, offering me a quick "Hello, bear with me,". Seeing the three of them makes my heart swell: our first strictly family! "Gorks, I can't find my purse or Mia's dummies anywhere, have you got them? I've either left them in the car or the hotel room." Gem panics quietly, scrambling through the bags. Reassuring her and double checking the bags around them, he turns to me; "DI? Can you take Mia for a few minutes, while I look the car and you the room baby?" Passing me his daughter, they both disappear from sight, leaving me alone with their beautiful child and I swear my heart grows three sizes. It's the tiny things, the way she snuggles closer to my chest, her hand grasping my top and her beautiful eyes- all make me broody, like CRAZY broody. When her parents return, I keep a hold of princess Mia, cradling her until she eventually falls asleep, only passing her back when Gorka and I had to leave for rehearsals. For the remainder of the day, my brain floated in and out of various, child related daydreams: imagining Joe as a father, myself as a mother and the multiple situations that could happen in our little family. Before I know it, the show is finished, elimation filmed and i'm in the car on the way back to my Joseph.

My Joseph. We haven't really discussed children if i'm honest but I know that we both want a family together and as of lately, Joe had mentioned kids an awful lot more. I'm not sure if it's working with the different Lulu's each night, interacting more with Billy and Mia or something else but kids keep popping into our conversations. I'm probably overthinking it though, I've been doing it a lot recently and I can't seem to get out of this rut. I'm thirty...how did this happen? I'm not getting any younger and I dream of a big family- my biological clock and my carer seem to be constantly against me.

And Joseph, he's that little bit younger than me, Maybe he isn't ready to grow up, maybe he doesn't want to have kids with me or start a family? Maybe I won't be able to have kids? What if it takes us years to get pregnant? With all these "what ifs" running through my brain, we arrive back in London before I know it and i'm wondering through our apartment, leaving my case by the door and heading up to our bedroom. It's late, so I know Joe will probably be asleep but even being with him- i'm hoping that will be enough to ease my weary mind.

Joe's POV:

Crashing through the door downstairs, I can hear my Dot stumbling round, leaving various items down before slowly making her way upstairs to join me in bed. I know she's had a long few days in Blackpool so I bet any money she's knackered and ready to curl up with me- I hope so anyway because as soppy as it sounds, I've missed my girl. After making all that noise downstairs, she attmepts to sneak into our bedroom without waking me and jumping the height of herself when I greet her. "Hey my darling, welcome home!" I chuckle, ducking as she fires her jacket in the direction of my face. "You are an ARSE Joseph! I thought you were asleep! And I wasn't even paying attention, that's not fair! she whines, stripping down to her underwear before diving under the covers and pressing her freezing cold feet against my legs. "Jesus Dianne, you are like ice!" I mutter, quickly tucking her under my arm and pulling her into me. She's been strangely quiet since she's come to bed, despite knowing she's tired, I can't help but feel there is something more bothering her. Pushing that feeling away, I settle just knowing that she is back in my arms and we have tomorrow together.

Just as my eyes fluttered shut, relaxing against her tiny body- she breaks the silence, with a question I didn't expect her to ask. Not now, not ever. "Joseph? Do you still love me?" she mutters meekly, her head tucked downwards and her muscles tense. Taking me aback, I can't quite form the words I need quick enough, stuttering like a fool as she pulls away from me, leaving her back to me and her head buried in the covers. Running my hand softly along her spine, I shuffle over to my body is pressed against hers again, wrapping my arms around her and pressing kisses to every area of exposed skin I can reach. "Dianne Buswell. I love you more than words can say. I love you to the moon, stars, sun and back. I love every single thing about you. I love YOU! Where on earth has this come from? Of course I still love you!" I declare, tugging her gently in an attempt to coax her back into my grasp and work through this issue we have going on. "Come here my sweet little angel, oh Dotty, come here!" Stroking her hair gently, she cries into my chest, her entire frame shaking as the sobs wrack through her body. "Where has this come from, my love?"

As she composes herself again, steadying her breathing and wiping her tears, she asks another somewhat shocking question. "Joe? Will we ever have kids?" Once again, it knocks me back but I quickly catch myself on, "of course we will Dianne! If you want to that is? I can't wait for our little family, once our carers settle down of course." I reassure her , cuddling her as close as possible. "I'm just being stupid Joe, ignore me. It's been a long few days and I've spent a lot of time with Gorkas little baby this weekend so I'm broody and emotional I guess. I'm not getting any younger, I've had issues with my period before so what if I can't get pregnant? And you're so young! Younger than me anyway, you probably don't want to settle down with me anyway. I'm sorry Joe, god I'm so sorry." Getting teary again, she refuses to look up at me and her words break my heart a tiny bit more. I hate seeing her like this, if I could take these thoughts away and prove to her that I mean it. My words will never be enough but one do, I'll prove it to her. Prove to her just how much I love her; with a ring, babies and a nice house, more than likely a scruffy dog too, everything she wants.
"Dotty, this tummy is gonna hold our baby one day. If it doesn't? We can become parents many other ways! We can adopt, have IVF, surrogacy there are so many options! You will make the most amazing mama, I can't wait to see you in full mum role. You, my love? You're amazing. I can't wait for the rest of our life together, now please relax for me sweetheart, come on now, let's relax my love. Let me prove how much I love you."

Sitting up a little bit more, a soft smile playing on her lips, she rolls on top of me, her tears long forgotten. "You're going to PROVE how much you love me, huh? What about how much you missed me?" She smirks, kissing her way up my chest until she reaches my face. Swallowing loudly, "well I don't think I'm tired anymore..." I mutter.

So loved Dianne Buswell, you are so loved.