The Universe of Thoughts

Sad Song

2 years ago

"babe, you should listen to this song! it sounds so good but i don't know the title," i said.

"you're right! it sounds so good! wait up, i'm going to do my research about this song," he responded.

that was the night when we found out about a song. a song that i would never forget. a song that owned a special spot in my heart, even after years passed.

"hun, look! i found something!" he shouted excitedly.

"what is it? did you find the title?"

"yeah! and the lyrics, too! here, read it!"

"ah, so, Sad Song, huh? why does the title sound heartbreaking while the lyrics is sweet.." i wondered.

"i know right! but the lyrics is beautiful. it describes us," he said while staring deep into my eyes. i was fluttered.

"is that so? how does it describe us?"

"'you and i, we're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky'. it's like us. and that part when it says, 'with you, i'm alive. it's like the missing pieces of my heart they finally collide'. well, you know, i was a mess before i met you. so thank you, for colliding all the missing pieces of my heart. you make me complete," he said while holding my hands and staring deep into my eyes.

since then, Sad Song by We The Kings became our national anthem.

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a year ago

"let's break up," he said.

"babe, seriously? after months we spent together?" i gasped in disbelief.

"i'm sorry. i can't do this anymore,"

"what's wrong? what did i do wrong?"

"no, you never did something wrong. it's just.. i'm not a beautiful mess anymore if i'm with you,"

"but, why?"

"yes, we were standing hand in hand with all our fears upon the edge. but, hun, did you notice that it was always me who is standing on the edge, lifting my own fears plus yours? you never noticed my fears. it was always me. it has always been me. hun, i'm tired," he almost choked on his tears. i couldn't even look at him in the eyes again.

"i don't know what to say, except sorry. i'm sorry, babe. i'm sorry for all the mess i caused, for hurting you, for breaking your heart, for everything. but can i please get another chance?"

"i can't. it'll be different, hun,"

"but, without you i feel broke like i'm half of a whole, i've got no hand to hold,"

"you can get through this. i'm sorry for giving up, but we deserve better. let's meet in the future, shall we?"

from that moment we shook hands, i knew it would be the last time i held his hand.

from that moment he turned his back against me, i knew that without him i was just a sad song.

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2019

you and i,
we're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky
with you, i'm alive
it's like the missing pieces of my heart they finally collide
so stop time right here in the moonlight
cause i won't ever want to close my eyes

i was listening to my spotify playlist until this song came in shuffle. and memories were breaking through my mind, forcing me to remember every single thing i knew from this song. it sounded like flashing here and there. my mind was a mess. my heart hurt. but at least no tears were streaming down my face. i knew he is happy with his own life. that was what made me so grateful.

dear ex,
i miss you but i hate you.

Surabaya, October 25th, 2019

hi! it's me again >< i was bored and i decided to write this. please listen to the song too! i love that song so much :( n e ways, have a joyful weekend! <3