"But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are." Ryan O'Connell
you ask me if i'm ok
but I refuse to look up
from my bruised arms
gray and black
like I imagine a lost soul would look like
because i know if i have t look you in you eyes
I can't lie to you and it be convincing enough for you to leave me alone
I take a second to muster up the strength to say "sure"
and i can feel the unsatsfaction settle in your body
as I hear you breathing pattern change
You ask me this everyday
and some how I feel in my bones
you are getting tired of asking
because you never seem to get anywhere
you never seem to gain any better knowledge
and for you everyday is a gamble
dreading to get that call and hear
that I'm gone forever.
and somehow I still seem to keep shutting you out
like the door to mind
locks aways a monster
that I fear will scare away everyone I try to love
so I have to protect you
I want to to tell you I'm Sorry
I want to tell you I don't know if I'll make it through
but I'll keep pushing on
I want to tell you I know I'm a downer I know
but I can't seem to remember how to fake a smile
so I'll keep my head down
I want to tell you my biggest fear is you getting bored with meon
and discarding me like a soon forgotten toy
that used to light up
but faded to a dim sputter of weak lights
you say you would never do that
but so did all the others before you
and Im not saying your like all the others
but I've branded in my mind
no matter how much alcohol I pour down my throat
Everyone in the end will get tired of me
So to hang on, and knowing in the end you'll let go
is nothing but a waste of your time
these word to you aren't surprising
I tell them to you more often than you ask "Are ou ok"
and I know they hurt you
but I'm only preparing you for when you let go
