𝘾𝙇𝙊𝙎𝙐𝙍𝙀

The FU4

I remember that it was at this time that Karma gave me her red and black bandanna.

Me, Holden, Karma, and Hunter, became a group of our own. I realized that being the most popular group was not the most important thing in life. We called our gang the FU4. It stood for, "Fucked Up Four". The name sounded extremely cool and edgy, especially at the time. We even had cups printed with our gang sign which just pissed off Amy. She hated that there was a new group that her son wasn't part of.
One day, Karma, Hunter, and I hung out in the library for some time, passing around a vape pen that we got from our friend, Tatiana. Karma and Hunter offered me a hit, to which I declined.
Afterwards, Karma told Chase what we were really doing in the library that day, and after that, it spread quickly. Josh also knew, making it inevitable for Alex to find out. Alex and I were very distant from one another at this point in time, because of his and Ian's hatred for Hunter. They sorta poked and ran with Hunter. They would do something little over and over again, countless times and call him the bully when he exploded at them. And that just wasn't fair.
Anyway, Alex and Ian put it on me and acted like I was the one who left them. But it wasn't like they would make an effort to be my friends. They were extremely exclusive towards me and were not the nicest at times. They made me do everything for them, just to be part of the US, while Holden, Karma, and Hunter were there through it all. They couldn't blame me for my decision.
When Alex found out about what happened in the library, he told Ian and Colt. They both jumped to conclusions when we were all in an online party together.
Apparently, they were now going to the same school that Jess was at and were now FRIENDS with him. I asked them why, and they told me that he has changed since the last time I knew him. I don't give a fuck how much someone had changed. After what he did to Athena, I could never forgive him.
"Do you remember what he did?" I asked over the microphone.
Colt explained that after my involvement with the FU4's vaping incident, Athena would be more disappointed in me than she would in them for forgiving Jess.
I didn't even vape, despite how many times Karma and Hunter offered. But I hoped that Ian and Colt weren't right about Athena being disappointed.
Later that night, I couldn't help but replay what Colt said in my mind. I wondered if Athena could see or hear me. I asked her to give me a sign if she knew I was talking to her. I turned on my phone. I said to Athena in my mind, that if her answer was yes, have my phone pick heads. If her answer was no, have my phone pick tails. I was trying to communicate with the dead like I was a medium or some shit like that. But at the time, it didn't seem as crazy.
"Was I a factor in your death?" I asked. My phone picked heads which meant yes.
"If you were still alive, would you be disappointed in me?" I asked. My phone picked tails which meant no.
I asked the same questions over and over again until the answer pattern just looked like this: Heads. Heads. Heads. Tails. Tails. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Heads. Tails. Tails. Tails.
I was talking to a fucking computer. I threw my phone on the ground feeling more alone than ever. For some reason, I couldn't forgive her or myself for what happened. I especially couldn't forgive Jess. I just couldn't move on.