Heart

Chapter 2 I Came Here Because...

It's strange how love can lift you up so high and then bring you down to the bottom of the sea. It is strange how one little crush can become your greatest love and another crush can become your worst nightmare, a nightmare that will change your life forever.

It's strange the things love can do to you. We live our whole life looking for love. We spend it giving love, most of the time to people who don't deserve it. It is what drags us into everything we do. We love, hate, fight, forgive, let go, suffer again, and all because of love. His name was Oscar, the person who broke my heart. His name was Oscar, the person who changed my life forever. I hated everything about it. I suffered way too much that my heart couldn't break into more pieces.

So it's simple. You like someone, he doesn't like you back, it takes you a while but you forget about it, and you move on. Well... that's not how my story went. The thing is that the person from my story is very different. It's not simply that he didn't deserve my love. He didn't deserve a single heartbeat. My heart used to beat for him. My breathe used to come out only to reach his, and all he did was break my heart.

I loved him for four high school years and all he did was be a complete jerk. It's called "first love" isn't it? Where everything is exaggerated! It is the painful kind of love, a love that brings sorrow and depression only. It was the first time I decide to break my own rules. I never believed a girl should confess her love to anyone unless he does it first. It was the time I liked a person and decided to confess with my deepest feelings to him. It was the time this crush of mine made me feel unwanted and not worth it.

I know that the person we love doesn't necessarily have to love us back and we shouldn't stress about it but wouldn't it kill you to know that this person knows about your feelings and instead of at least appreciating your initiative to confess such a truth he makes fun of you for having them!! How hard would it be having this person bully you just because he thinks you are not his type?

After years of suffering and awakening, I could finally see that he is not worth it. I have given up on love and no longer believed in it. The only thing that was good about my life now is the scholarship I came here for.

What made it harder for me to get over him is that with all the pressure I put on myself to forget him he followed me here as if I was not allowed to forget him, as if I had to keep on thinking about him even though I knew we are impossible. As if it weren't enough to break me into a hundred pieces, he wanted to break me into thousands. He had come here with his new girlfriend and some friends from back home for our annual reunion.

***

Last August:

That night in August was something else. God had brought him to me for one last time so I can have my revenge. I could face him for the first time ever. I was able to stand up in front of him and show him he no longer meant anything to me for the first time ever. He knew I am in love with him and still didn't care. I mean he could have said he didn't like me back but he didn't have to do all that he did.

It was that night in August when I saw him with her at the party. I stood against him and made it clear I was totally over him. All my friends from back home were at the party and most of them knew I had a crush on him for a long time. We sat at the same table. I forced myself to it. We talked and laughed and of course, I had my eyes on him all the time. He had his eyes on me as well.

This time it was different though. As I watched her stare into his eyes and hold his hand tight, I watched myself get over him. I watched myself feeling bad about ever falling in love with him. I watched myself not liking anything about him anymore.

A silly joke made it all come out. An old school friend looked at her hold his hand so tight said:

"You're gonna break it... his hand I mean" said Amy.

"Leave her, leave her. You cannot imagine how hard she tried to be here like this tonight," a friend of mine said while everyone laughed.

"Yeah, and how low can you go do have that, right!" I said.

The laughter stopped and silence prevailed the room. Everyone knew what I was intending. I was talking about betrayal. I was talking about treason. I was talking about the same girl whom I shared my deepest secret with and told her about my deepest crush. I was talking about his girlfriend who used to be my friend for a while before she knew about my crush on him with only a short time. And that's where my revenge night started.

My parents back home would call me occasionally. My sister is pregnant so my mom had to stay with her. My brother, Jade, is in Spain for his new business meeting. He and his wife Heather had immediately moved there as soon as he got the offer as it was a great opportunity and he didn't want to miss it. I came here not only for the scholarship but because I wanted to have a new life and to forget everything about my past.

If I had stayed back home, I would think of him and want to see him every time I go out. I told my mom I couldn't take anymore and my feelings were killing me.

They say who has no past has no future. Well I totally believe that. I have learned enough lessons and I've done many things that I regret doing but what can I do now? I've decided to start from scratch. The stars became my friends from the first day I came here. At least they're loyal. I can tell them all my secrets and be sure that no one would ever know.

I also had Jane next to me all the time. Jane was not my sister but she was more than that. She was the one person on earth I knew would never let go off me.

We both came here for our scholarships. She knew every single detail about my life. She knew all about that jerk and how much I loathed him after what he did to me.

I can say that the first day I came here was the first day of my new life. It was a new book with many empty pages waiting to be filled. It's true that I was over him and confronting him was the best thing I did in four years but what I didn't expect is that doing that reflected negatively on me. In that same night in August, and right after I got the courage to confront him, I decided to give up on love forever.

"Nothing lasts forever Amy. Feelings change and people change. They grow up" I added.

"You're right," said Amy.

"I know I am. This is why I said so."

"We've all grown up I guess" said Angelo.

"Some more than others" Amy added.

Love has brought me nothing but sorrow so far so why should I believe it is a beautiful thing?

Many things happened that night. It wasn't just that I confronted everyone with the truth and for the first time in my life, I could speak out for myself. I had another big decision to make that night, the biggest decision in my life.

As I was leaving the party, I had a call from the hospital. They said I should come immediately as it is an emergency and based on my request they need to be there now.

I had enough courageleft in me to go to the hospital and donate blood. I had this crazy thoughtthat if my heart is pumping blood and pumping emotions then donating my bloodwill take away the feelings I carried inside it. I am a B+ so I supposed myblood is receivable and they would definitely need it one way or another. I donatedtwo...