The Remembered (Elements II)

Chapter 28

She saddled her mare quickly, and rode out swiftly. She didn’t know where she was going, and didn’t care, wanting only to leave the city for a while. She reached the city walls quickly, the guards letting her through with a shout of greeting, and she let her mare move onto a canter, tears starting to fall down her cheeks once more.

When the tears began to cease, she found herself near the lake. Sitting up slightly, she slowed her mare to a walk, and let her amble around the edge of the lake before stopping her and sliding off. She found a tree nearby and, after tethering her mare where she could graze, walked down to the water’s edge, staring at it blindly.

Her emotions were in turmoil, and she didn’t know how to sort them out, or even where to start. Letting her tears fall unchecked, she sat on the grass at the edge of the lake, hugging her knees to her chest, just staring at the pale blue water. She was confused, and his betrayal had cut her deeply, in places she hadn’t thought could be hurt.

He’d said that he loved her. The words he’d said, the way he’d said them, kept playing in her mind, over and over, until she couldn’t bear them any longer. She shut her eyes tightly, shaking her head, trying to block them.

“No!” she whispered. “It’s not true. He lied.”

The words faded a little, but not enough. However, she couldn’t drive them away completely. Some tiny part of her, a part that she wanted to crush ruthlessly, was holding on to him, holding on to the hope that he hadn’t meant it. She wished it were true, but she’d seen the dislike in his eyes, heard the cool rejection in his voice. He’d only ever been playing with her, using her to get himself free. She’d never meant anything to him. As the thought came to her, she hid her face in her knees, sobbing afresh. It hurt so much.

“Nahara?”

The surprised voice filtered through to her, and she looked up slowly, surprised herself. She hadn’t thought anyone else would be at the lake, as it was a fair way from the city – not many knew of the tracks that led to it. When she saw that it was Isla, she dropped her head again, turning her face away. She couldn’t face the kindness of the elemental just now. All she wanted was to be alone.

She heard slight splashing, and knew that the elemental was coming out of the water. When she settled next to her, Nahara had to supress a sob, shutting her eyes tight. The elemental said nothing, just sat there, and Nahara was reminded of the time her son had done that. Just been there for her to comfort her, not saying anything. She took a deep breath, her whole body shaking, but that only made the tears come faster.

“Do you want to talk, merch?”

Nahara shook her head, but Isla just put an arm around the young woman’s shoulders, and the dam broke.

“He used me,” she sobbed. “I told him I was going to get Father to free him. That’s all he wanted. He never loved me.”

“Hush, meinwen,” Isla crooned, rocking her. “He does love you. He doesn’t want to lose you.”

Astonished, Nahara lifted her eyes. “But –”

“Anwylaf, everyone he loves has been torn from him at some point. He doesn’t want to go through that again. So he’s pushed you away, letting you choose another. He would rather that than lose you."

Nahara held back a sniffle. “But he has lost me,” she whispered.

“That may be so, but he chose that. If he’s miserable – and he is – he can tell himself that it was for the better, instead of being furious at himself for not preventing it.”

The young woman swallowed, closing her eyes briefly. She didn’t know what to say.

“What are you going to do, Lady Nahara?”

She swallowed again, and wetted her lips. “He will still be freed,” she answered softly. “I promised him that. Afterwards…” She trailed off and shrugged. “I won’t press him if he doesn’t want me.”

“Oh, he wants you, my dear. He just doesn’t realise it.”

Nahara shook her head. “No. He can’t want me.”

“Did you tell him?”

Astonished, Nahara stared at the elemental. “How do you know?” she whispered in shock. “I haven’t told anyone, and there’s no sign yet.”

“Water is the giver of life and death, Lady Nahara. I can feel it. Did you tell him?”

Again, Nahara shook her head. “No. It would only force him to stay with me. I don’t want to do that to him.”

“Silly girl.” It was said affectionately. “You think he would love you less because of it?”

“I don’t know!” Nahara burst out. “I don’t know him anymore! He changed, Isla. He changed, and I don’t know why. Nothing I said did anything.”

Isla hugged her close. “Child, he will come around. Have no doubt that he is feeling the same way you are. He has forced you away from him so he doesn’t lose you, but what he doesn’t understand is that he has already lost you.”

“So what can I do? I love him.”

“Unfortunately, he is stubborn, which comes from me,” Isla told her. “All you can do is wait. Don’t push him too hard.”

Her tears finally drying, Nahara nodded.

“He already feels guilty for making you cry. If you do it right, my dear, he will come running back to you. Then, it will be up to you if you want him back.”

“Really?” Nahara raised wide eyes to meet the elemental’s cool green ones. Isla nodded.

“Yes. You are tied together. Your story is there for any who knows it to read in the fabric of the earth. You have a love that will be impossible to break.”

“Really?” The young noblewoman was amazed. “I never thought it would be anything like that.”

Isla smiled, a mysterious smile that raised more questions than it answered. “No one ever does,” she replied, and rose to her feet. She extended a hand for Nahara, who took it, and quickly found herself standing. “Go on home, my dear. Calm yourself, and decide what it is that you need to do. If you can’t face him, then don’t. Take your time – he will come to you before too long.”

“But…what if he doesn’t, Isla? I have to marry now. I’ll be shamed otherwise. He’s given me no choice.”

Isla kissed her forehead gently. “You forget our ways. We choose our partner, but we do not have to stay with them. I myself have not seen Dvalin’s father for years – nor will I. We went our separate ways long before my boy was born. He forgets the expectations that you humans have.”

Nahara looked at the ground. “Nevertheless,” she murmured. “I have to be engaged, at least, before I start to show.”

“You are smart, child. You will find a way.”

Translations:

Merch – daughter

Anwylaf – dearest