In the Shadows

Chapter 1

(Author's Note: If you would like to listen to Chapter 1 on audio, please click the video. Thank you)

Present day...

   My eyes fly open when my dream fades in the morning light. I gasp as I sit straight up and my heart feels like it's going to explode. I place my head in my hands as I try to calm my spiral heart rate and unsteady breathing. My dog Sadie jumps on top of me and starts giving me kisses.

  "I'm okay, girl," I mutter as I pet her.

  Sadie is a miniature Manchester terrier and my ESA (Emotional Support Dog). She helps me to endure my night terrors. When I lost my parents, I went into what I call a "shadow." A black shadow that I never thought I would return from. Most days I felt like I couldn't get out of bed. The fear, the pain, the rage I had for them when they left me all alone in this world was tearing me apart. Yet, I feel less pain when Sadie is with me, but even though Sadie is my protector, it still doesn't take away my memories.

  I couldn't hold back my tears as they begin to run down my face. Not just Sadie that keeps my soul alive but crying helps as well with the pain. They cannot extinguish what has been, yet only carry me forward until a time comes when that pain is distant enough to forget more than remembering, and maybe one day remove itself from my brain.

   Dismissing it, I wipe away my tears and I glance at the clock, I see it's 7:34 in the morning. Shit! I'm going to be late for class. I'm always running late. I should have stayed in the dorms. Thankfully, it's my last year at BU (Boston University), but I can't be late when finals are coming up and it's almost the end of the first semester. I can't wait to get my exams to be over with. Once done with my finals the next semester will start, and then graduation. I'm very anxious to leave this place and move to New York. I applied to jobs there hoping I can at least get one of them. There's nothing here for me, so why not move to a different city? Change is good and change is what I need right now. No living in the past anymore. True, I will miss my friend, Camille, and also Ms. Nelson living next door to me, but I have to get on with my life and move forward.

  I know that my class starts at 9:00 am, but since I don't have a car, I must ride my bike every day to class. I have a license but cannot afford a car. Damn, I wish I had a vehicle. It would be so much easier because it's 31 minutes to get to school, but that's not the case for me, it takes me at least an hour by bike.

   I leap out of bed and proceed to the bathroom. When I climb into the shower, I switch on the faucet. As the water hits me, it's freezing, and it always takes a while for the water to heat up every time. I figured that's what happens when you live in a trailer park. I lather up the soap and start washing my body. By the time I finished taking a shower, I decide what I'm going to wear. Who am I kidding? I wear the same style every day- a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, of course, the t-shirt is a different pattern. Once I finished drying myself, I head to the bedroom to get dressed.

   Before I go, I have to brush my teeth; I can't go to class with my breath smelling. Gross! I swiftly grab my toothpaste and toothbrush and start to brush my teeth. I check myself in the mirror and put my damped hair in a ponytail since my hair is stubborn today as always. I give one last look at the girl in the mirror gazing at me. Let's admit it, I'm pale with dark brunette hair and enormous hazel eyes. I have a big backside and huge bust more than other girls my age. I always looked this way since I was young, but then if people don't like the way I look then they don't have to stare at me. That's what my mom used to say when people made fun of me.

   Memories of my parents cheering me up when someone was bullying me cross my mind. No, do not cry Sussianna, my eyes begin to well up with tears. I can't think about them right now or I'll start to sob. I glance at my watch, it's 7:59 am. Holy shit! I'm running late.

"No Sadie, stay here," I command as she moves closer to me, but thankfully she does as I ask and sits. I pat her head when I snatch my bag and then walk out the door.

   Outside, I unchain my bike. I always lock up my bike that way no one would want to steal it. Well, they wouldn't dare steal it if they know what was good for them. I live in a nice trailer park and I have friendly neighbors, especially Ms. Nelson, however, nowadays you can't trust people.

   When I'm unchaining my bike, I feel someone tap my shoulder, and instantly, I turn around to see Ms. Nelson. Speak of the devil. She has her gray hair pinned in a bun, and also has on a floral stretch-silk wrap dress, she repeatedly wears.

  "Hi, Ms. Nelson."

  "Hello dear," she smiles.

  "Is everything okay," I ask.

   I want to tell her, I have to get to class or I'm going to be late, but I do not want to be rude. She's the kind of neighbor who is gentle towards others and protects the ones she loves. She also watches over my house to make sure nothing goes wrong when I'm not around. She's like the WatchGuard of the neighborhood who keeps an eye on everyone. You could say she's like Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched, but a least she's looking out for me.

  "Yes dear, I just wanted to see if you're okay. I heard you screaming last night, and I thought it may be one of those dreams of yours."

  "Yes, I'm okay. It was just a bad nightmare. Sorry, if I disturbed you last night," I say as I stare at her fondly. I have told her about this before -about my nightmares- but I don't feel like talking about it, especially right now when I'm running late.

  "No, you didn't. I was hoping you are okay," she asks anxiously.

  "Yes, I'm alright. Are you doing okay?" I ask as I smile wryly at her.

  "Yes, thanks for asking sweetheart. I better let you go. Do you have a class today?"

  Good, she did not ask me about my dream.

  "Yes, I should get going." I try not to sound disrespectful toward her.

  "Okay dear, see you tonight."

  "See you later. Don't go causing any ruckus now," I tease and she laughs.

  "Alright I won't, you don't get into trouble, or I'll have to come to your school and talk some sense into you," she says playfully.

  I giggle. "Okay, I won't."

  "Good, now start going to class. I don't want you to be late," she replies, her voice calm and authoritative.

  "Fine," I roll my eyes playfully as I hastily get onto my bike. "Bye, Ms. Nelson," I yell and wave goodbye when I head out of the gated gates.

  As I'm riding to class, I think about last night, and how terrible it was. Geez, if she heard me screaming, then the whole neighborhood heard me as well. My gosh! I should not think about this, I don't want to relive the dream I had. Not right now. I don't think I would not even want to talk about it. I never want to talk about my dreams, eventually, they just slip away and become nothing but a bad memory.