A million things run through my head every day. And almost each day I think about percentages of people being murdered, raped and tortured.
Sometimes I'll think "right at this very moment someone is being raped, killed or threatened", and usually when I think about something like this I get a thrill, like it's an action movie. Does that make me a monster? What if I were to kill the man or woman who did the evil deed? Would that make me a saint?
I'm not quite sure what being a monster and having to kill a monster entails. Does it mean destroying yourself inside, killing an evil person or what? Hypothetically, what if you just had enough one day, and you hardened, you decided enough was enough and you hurt others, you were emotionless and heartless. What if you hurt yourself on the outside, to kill the thing on the inside? The hatred and the sorrowfulness? Does it make you a complete monster for destroying yourself? But what if it was someone else?
I guess there isn't a straight answer to the question: how do you destroy a monster without becoming one? It destroys you inside, killing something, anything. A piece of you is ripped open, and you are never the same. I guess it could mean, say, if you killed a rapist, something like "does two wrongs make a right?" sort of thing. Does it? The answer is: you don't. You slowly become a monster until there is nothing left of you but this evil thing inside, waiting to burst. If you kill a monster, you inevitability will become, in retrospect, a monster. And it isn't because you killed the monster, it's not the act itself. It's the shear fact of knowing you looked into someone-or something's-eyes and killed it, even though it was going to kill you first.
It's the fact that, even though there are millions of people out there, no one will save you. You must save yourself, and to do that, you have to, no matter what, turn yourself into a monster one way or another. You either kill, or be killed. It takes guts to kill something, whether it be inside or outside, but we all eventually do. To survive in this world we have to kill ourselves, we have to harden ourselves against the cruelty of others, destroying ourselves inside, and becoming monsters. But what if we have enough? What if someone kills your monster, kills your pride and happiness. Will they, then, become a monster? Or will they harden just enough to take the hit and not fall down?
