Dear Mariah,
Today, you are 10. In 7 years, my 7 years, you will be 17 years old. It's been a rough road, and sometimes I've just wanted to give up. I'm supposed to talk to you about the life I've created, but it isn't a very good life at all. I have a lot of scars, right on my body, as you already know. That's right, I've never stopped cutting. I've tried, and as a matter of fact, right now, I'm clean. I haven't cut in about a week. I'm a senior in high school, and I sit at home most of the time on my computer or phone, and I almost always watch TV. I don't have plans for the future, but maybe one day I'll get there. So there isn't much to tell. Cassie isn't here anymore, she's off to better things, and so is Christina. Mom remarried, of course. I'm starting to think about the future, maybe psychology or something to do with animals. I talked about running away with the circus, but everyone thinks that is a joke.
Sometimes I get really sad, and maybe you won't understand that, but it's difficult. I have trouble sleeping, and sometimes I feel like sleeping all day and night, but I get up and do things I need to do. I still have trouble going to school, but we always knew that'd happen.
Anyways, I know what's going on in your life, and I know that it makes things difficult, but if we hang on, we'll make it, no matter how hard it becomes. I know I should write more, but you are young, and some of the things I've seen, I don't want you to know yet. Just be a kid. I know you are hurting, but I'm here for you, I know what you feel. You are inside me every day, and you are protected now.
Love you,
Mariah <3
