chapter 13

IX

For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

           

Back in college, I remember my professor in ‘Humanities’ told us then that there are basically four things that when let go could never come back. Whatever we do or how much effort we give, we can never take it back – elapsed time, neglected opportunity, spoken words and a speeding arrow.

I’m adding one now.

Normally, I would gloat at this new found maturity and profoundness but I’m too bitter nowadays, I was able to keep my ego aside.

The newest addition to the list would be – a kiss.

I may have heard or read somewhere in my past, that a kiss will always mean something. You can’t simply kiss a person because you just feel like doing it. Even then, in spur of the moment decision, it meant something. You feel like doing it. And after kissing someone, it is next to impossible that you’re not going to be affected by it.

Since a person is more emotional rather that what Aristotle would want to be believe, we feel more than we think.

It’s hard not to be affected by a kiss no matter how simple it would seem. And I don’t think there is such thing as a simple kiss!

“Huh?”

“Huh?”

He grinned. Lincoln’s somewhat lopsided grin always makes my heart melt. It is always what turns me on. “You said something about a kiss.”

“I did?” Shoot! I can’t believe I’ve been talking out loud! “What did I say?”

“You said something about a kiss. What’s up?”

Me and my freaking big mouth! He’s smiling but I can feel his stare getting cold. “I’m sorry.”

Silence.

I can only hear my heart beating. And his.

Slowly, he began to remove his hands away from mine. His gaze fixed on me, we’re not a foot apart but I can feel him creating distance between us. “He kissed you.”

“I’m sorry…” I almost choke.

“You kissed him back.” He concluded.

I can feel the pain slicing through. “I’m sorry…”

He stood up.

“Don’t… please, Lincoln…”

“You care for him”

I nodded.

He turns around. “Do you love him?”

I’m sorry. This is the most painful truth that I have to tell him. “Yes.”

Lincoln, without saying another word, walked away.

I wanted to run to him and to stop him but I’m seemed to be glued from where I am sitting. I watch him leave. He never looked back. I wanted to shout but no voice came out of my mouth.

With that, he left me.

It’s over.

***

Four years, seven months, three weeks, two days…

I could’ve counted the hours and minutes too if only I wasn’t too busy being happy at the time she said ‘yes’ to me then and being too hurt to care to count now.

The happiest moment of my life was knowing that there is such existence of love. And Corrine made it possible for me to know what it feels like being in love. With Corrine, I learned how to feel. I felt love and fear. And now, I become numb. Simply because it’s over.

It’s over.

I never thought it would come to this point. And I never thought that she would be weak to let it come to this point. I certainly never thought that we would end.

Corrine is a very strong and brave woman. She is a fighter. She never gave up.

Never.

***

            It cannot be simply over.

I cannot just let go. Granted that I am younger and he is already professionally and financially stable but this is all I know: All is fair in love and in war. Fair.

Despite of what people had told me before, I would still like to believe that there is still fairness in this world. It’s not right that I would come to meet her, know her and love her just to be taken her away from me. What good is it to know beauty if you’re not supposed to have it?  Or why would I need to learn how to fall in love if it’ll just break my heart?

No. I won’t let go. I can’t.

***

Four years, seven months, three weeks, two days…

It cannot be simply over. No.

We cannot be over.