chapter 13

VIII

Love never fails.  But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

           

“Do you love him?”

            I looked at him incuriously. “Of course I love him. He’s like my baby brother.”

            “Yeah, right.” He snorted. His irritation showed on how much he squeezed the dispenser pouring catsup all over his pizza. “The guy may only be 18 years old but he’s a man, Corrine. I’m 5’10 but he still looks bigger than me. He’s rude and rough. There’s nothing baby about him and he certainly doesn’t feel brotherly with you. Nick is in-love with you.”

            I know. “That’s not true.”

            “You are so lame.” He laughed. From front, he switched seat to be next to me. “Just tell me that you’re also in love with him and I’ll let you go.”

            “Really?” I am so shocked. How can he easily say this to me? We’ve been together for four years! How could he simply let go? “Just like that?”

            “Are you kidding me? I’ll kill him, Corrine!” He held my hand and gave it a squeeze.

            I took his hand inside my jacket’s pocket and laid my head on his shoulder.

            In this position, I can’t help but compare the two. I know it’s unfair. But I did anyway.

            Lincoln is three year older than me while Nick is five years younger than me. With Lincoln, I’m comfortable. His familiar scent and touch brings me soothing comfort. Nick’s touch makes me excited. Electricity sparks like wild fire between us. Linc is authoritative. Nick is sweet and always willing to give. His thoughtfulness also becomes predictable but Linc never ceases to take my breath away with his surprises. Linc is practical and hates clowns. He doesn’t believe in magic while Nick is a romantic who would fight for a happily ever-after ending.

            Nick and I are so much alike in a thousand ways; it is as much as Linc and I differ.

            “I love you.”

***

            I met Linc when I was in my fourth year in college. I was on my way to Lakan Dula High School, attending my 300-hour on-the-job training. I was about to cross to the other side of the street when I heard a loud whistle. I came to an abrupt stop, the jeepney almost hit me. From a few feet distance a tall, fair and scowling policeman, approached. “What’s your name?”

            “I…I” I am lost for words. “What did I do?”

            “Your name?” He insisted.

            “Corrine.”

            He nodded. “Number?’

            “What number?” I can’t think of anything that I’ve done wrong. He took out a small notebook from his pant’s back pocket as he nodded to the jeepney driver, signaling him to go. “What’s going on?”

            “Your number, Corrine.” He sounds impatient.

            “What?” This is crazy. It was he who almost got me hit by the jeep anyway! “What did I do? What number?”

            “Cell phone number. Or landline.”

            “Boss.. sir…” I eyed him. His face is intent in whatever it is that he’s writing. “092724909498.”

“Okay.” He finished his scribbling then looked at me. I realized that it was the first time that he looked at me in the face. I waited for him to explain to me what happened but he said nothing and just looked at me. After a while, he walked back to the patrol car. The other police, sitting on the driver’s side, opened the door & grinned at me. Before he got in, I saw him waved and smiled at me. “I’ll call you later, okay? You be careful now.”

It was only then I realized that the he only intimidated me so he could ask for my name and number. What a jerk! I was so infuriated with him.

Five minutes later, he called.

I hung up. He called again. Again, I hung up. He called me up five times more. I hung up on him, five times too. Later that afternoon, I saw him waiting for me at the gate. He apologized and asked me out. I screamed at him for good thirty seconds. Six months later, he became my boyfriend.

“I love you.”

***

             At this point, I really don’t know what I feel.

            I’m confused with everything. I’m in love with both of them.

            It’s selfish, I know.

            It never occurred to me until now that it is possible to love two people at the same time but with totally different intensity.

With Linc, there’s no doubt in my heart, in my soul and in the wholeness of my being that I love him. But whenever I’m with Nick, in my heart of hearts, I know that I am in love with him, too.