his forgotten mate

CHAPTER 35c

A/N: Not Edited.

Chapter 35c – Rainy POV

It was disappointing that the children hadn’t wanted to see Chris turn into a wolf, especially since we had wanted to use the toy wolves as an introduction to real live wolves. Instead we followed what Shavon and Juliet suggested, letting them decide now and broaching the subject again after a few days or weeks. They explained that fear would rule all decisions the children made and not even something like me – myself – turning into a wolf would convince them before they were mentally ready for something like that. At first I thought why even mention it if they thought it would harm the children. But they explained that it was a chance for them to observe where they are at, how they work and see what they are given.

After deciding that they didn’t want to see a real live wolf, Chris resorted to reading them all a story, his voice soft and comforting like a warm blanket during a frigid cold night, easily lulling them all to sleep. After setting down Michelle and Nicole, Chris, Lucy, Grace, Logan and I joined Shavon and Juliet in the school they had attached to this room specifically. I knew from the outside that this was the basement floor and there was another one above this, which would be used for therapy sessions.

Looking around, I see it’s inviting and fun, nothing too serious for the children and I was happy… for now we couldn’t send them to school, so this would do for the time being. Not going upstairs, using this area instead we all found a spot on the circular sofa facing Shavon and Juliet.

Now I really wished that the kids had chosen to see Chris’ wolf, I didn’t want this conversation to happen right now at all. It would be hard to keep my thoughts away from the secrets I was holding while we all sat down and spoke with each other. I knew that when the truth came out, they would blame me for what happened… for the children and for the choices I made but I don’t think they’d ever be able to really understand what it was like in that basement. Grace was a mother but I doubt she had been a mother in the same way I had, having to make the decisions that I had too. But the protector in me wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, not even an enemy because it cut me up inside. When they learned why there were so many children, I knew that they would think I made the wrong decisions but they didn’t know what it was like.

It was all a game to him, something he played continuous that had live reactions he and those like him could mock. It was eating me alive and while I didn’t want to speak to everyone about my time down there, I needed to talk to someone before I was crushed with this guilt. I knew that I shouldn’t feel – feel guilty but I did, among many other things. It all just hurt, to the point that after having been so strong, even when my strongest was any other persons weakest, it crossed my mind a few times that I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be a mother out here in this world, any more than I was a mother in that basement. I made childish decisions, ones that the babies would have to live with, but minute by minute fear was taking over that they would see just how much of a weak person I was.

I had lived on the outside, knew things and never told them… and I could see it already, just forming, and now I was waiting for it but the wait was worse that the realization that would come from them. I was still a little girl when I was taken, but I was still older than them, now that we were out would they blame me for not being stronger? For not protecting them more than I did, even though I couldn’t protect myself… I didn’t want to face that moment, where they looked at me and asked why I didn’t do more to save them. Or when Kayla would ask me why I never told her that she had a choice, instead I did something worse; pretending that what was happening was how things worked. Why was it I made them all assume that anyone that wasn’t in that basement with us were all the same? Why did I make them believe that only eleven of us could show love and kindness, but everyone else coming would be mean because outside is where all the mean people lived. When in reality I was just a bad of a monster as he and all the other hims that came and followed.